Hey, Im in my early 20s and I can say i just feel crap right now. I just dont know what is wrong with me. I am gay and ive accepted it, it took me a long time but when i was 19 i finally accepted and im pretty happy about it. Ive two people who dont know yet and this is what is bothering me. My best friend and my mother. Im sure they both kinda know but they wont bring it up. I dont know why but i cant say the word 'gay' out loud. Which is annoying because i want to tell them but im just to scared. I also dont want to write a letter because i feel like it isnt personal and they will feel like offended that i didnt tell them face to face. Another thing im really depressed about is my weight. I used to be under weight alot and when i started high school i started to gain weight. I have a 'beer belly' now and it really does get me down alot. I have joined a gym and I just feel like it isnt working. Ive been going 3 times a week and been on the treadmill and on the bicycle for at least half hour each and doing some weights too. I feel like im eating alot better than i was before. I might just not be giving it enough time. Last thing is also i just feel like im going to be single for along time which makes me depressed. None of my friends have any partners. But when i go out into the gay clubs i see couples and they look happy and there dancing having a good time and i look at them and i want what they have. I just feel like i wont ever get it. Im not ugly looking, i do have a baby face which i think it puts alot of people off me because they dont think i look my age. Im also kinda awkward when i meet new people im extremely shy and i wish i wasnt like it but i am, it just makes me feel like it pushes people away. After a while when people get to know me i dont shut up lol but just the thought of meeting new people scares me especially someone i could potentially start a relationship with. If anyone has any advice on any of the topics or would like to chat to me id like that alot. I cant really talk to any of my friends about it because when i do they kinda close the conversation and dont really help me or listen. So please help me make sense of all this, i just feel like utter crap. Also im really sorry if this is long :/.
I feel like I just read my own post lol. I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't know why, but I have trouble saying that im gay out loud too. I guess I don't do it very often and so Im just not used to it. It gets easier the more you do it. Maybe work your way up. Tell some people who it doesn't really matter and then tell your friends then family. Dont worry about your weight. You are doing great by exercising and eating healthy! Sometimes you don't notice weight loss or anything like that on yourself. I always feel like I look exactly the same but people say I look healthier than I used to. It also makes you feel good. Even if the weight isn't coming off as fast as you would like, I have noticed I still feel better and more confident when I know I'm doing my best to eat/be healthy. It alters your thinking a little and you become more positive. For the dating thing, I don't really know because I'm in the same boat. You just have to know that there are people who think you're cute. Even if you think you're awkward and have a beer belly and push people away, there are people who see you and think "oh my god that guy over there has the cutest face and he's so sweet and nice and is a great listener" Don't be hard on yourself. Put yourself out there and see what happens. The people around you see the best in you and you should learn to do that for yourself. Message me if you ever need to talk
I was going to write a long message saying all the things above, but ilovesg beat me to it! Going to the gym/exercising will be working, just give it a bit longer. Maybe take photos of yourself every few weeks to compare, so that you can see the results more clearly. I also find that exercising makes me feel better whenever I feel crap, so hopefully it will have the same effect for you. As far as meeting more gay people goes, are there any social groups aimed at LGBT+ youth that you could go to? Belfast is a fairly big city, so hopefully there's a few options for you. Clubs are often not the best place to meet people, especially if you're shy or more introverted. I also understand that looking younger can be annoying when you're in your teens/early twenties, but you'll appreciate it a lot more when you're in your late twenties and beyond! Without meaning to sound patronising, you're still very young and you have plenty of time to meet someone. By all means try and be healthier etc, but there are lots of people out there who will like you for who you are, no matter if you are shy and a bit awkward. You come across as a nice guy and people will respond to that but you need to go a bit easier on yourself first.
