Some of you may know about 2 months ago my life changed dramatically. My boyfriend suddenly passed away at the age of 47 and me with no car or any income had to move way back home with my parents. As I try to accept what is going on in my life and I am getting through all these changes day by day at the same time I find myself hoping it is one big dream and sometime I will finally come out of it. I had to leave everything behind except a few belongings and move back home. I hope to get a new apartment in a bigger city this summer if it all works out and move on with my life. I guess I cannot blame myself for having a hard time accepting reality and everything that happened cause it happened very fast and every I had kind of disappeared. I am not feeling depressed or anything and keep myself busy with day to day activities but at the same time I still sometimes wish it was all a dream. My boyfriend had so many hopes, dreams and aspirations for our future together and all sudden it disappeared. I am sure anyone can imagine how hard that is to accept. I try establishing connections with friends but I have to initiate everything. I didn't feel the need for friends when I was in a committed relationship and now sometimes I just feel alone. I am not being vulnerable and expressing my feelings to my parents of all people because I am just not that kind of person. I know life will get better though and things will get brighter. I still have life to live for and hopefully everything will work it self out.
I don't have much to add other than to stay strong and I really hope things get better for you. I'm sorry you've had to suffer this loss and I really respect and admire you for staying positive through it. (*hug*)
Thanks. I things as will look up as time goes on. You get through it day by day but at the same time it still feels unreal.
Dano, you are doing really well and I'm pleased you are using this forum to share your thoughts and feelings. It's so important to have a place where you can talk freely and openly and I know you find it much easier to do that online. If it works for you, that's all that matters. It's good that you are not wallowing in a state of depression and remain busy with day to day activities, but give yourself permission to cry or complain if you want/need to. It's okay to not feel okay. My experience of grief is that it comes in waves - you can feel fine and then the waves rush in, and when that happens there is nothing to be gained by resisting the tide. You honour the memory of the person who has passed by living on, but if you have days when strength fails you, don't beat yourself up about it. It's totally natural, especially at this early stage. Here for you, if you need to talk.
Thanks. i appreciate all the support. I had to leave that apartment and that town and sadly some of the least important things behind and it just happened so fast. I don't cry about it or complain but yeah it is perfectly normal to still be overwhelmed by it. I don't like the situation I am in living with my parent but I know I will get out of own by this summer I hope and things will get better eventually. You also wonder if you will ever find love again especially after losing it so suddenly and having to deal with a big change in your life. I cannot blame myself for how long it takes to accept all reality of the situation I am in.
