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I'm scared...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by LilDuckyCantFly, Apr 8, 2015.

  1. LilDuckyCantFly

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    A couple of months ago my girlfriend broke up with me and since then I have come to the realisation that I am gay. Everything was going fine and people were excepting me for who I am but I began to develop a crush on one of my best friends and a couple of weeks ago he slept over at my house. I told him that I liked him and he told me that he was straight but that he would always be here there for me if I needed him... here's the bad part: that just made me like him even more... I fell for him.. big time.. he is perfect to me... every time i see him all I want to do is tell him that I love him but I know it would drive him away and its killing me inside to bottle up all these emotions... I'm scared because if I tell him I could lose the only person I really trust... I feel alone even when I'm surrounded by friends and family... the only time I don't feel alone is when I'm with him... I cry myself to sleep every night because the thought of losing him breaks me inside... I really really need any advice that it's possible for anyone to give please I can't live like this :tears:
     
  2. Winter Maiden

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    well if he is straight there isnt much you can do about that. You can however do things to ger youe mind off of him like picking up a hobby of sorts maybr a sport? Get out in public and socialize with new people step out of your comfort zone a bit. You'll be fine hun just hang in there :slight_smile: I'm here for you n_n
     
  3. brocub

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    It's going to be okay. Feelings for people pass. Yeah, when someone you are infatuated with is kind to you about it, it doesn't quite help make it go away, but there will always be someone new around the corner.
     
  4. LilDuckyCantFly

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    Thank you for the advice Unicorn Queen and brocub... it means a lot to me :slight_smile: I know I cant change who he is and I would never try to make him into something that he isn't but I just wish that there was a way I could tell him how I felt without losing him... he's the kind of person who doesn't take anything seriously most of the time and what scares me the most is if I tell him.. Will he make a joke out of it or will he take it seriously and push me away or will he let me down slowly?... it's times like this that I wish I could see the future aha..
     
  5. sam the man

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    Hi LilDucky, I can't say I'm very experienced on this but I thought I'd weigh in and offer my thoughts anyway.

    First off, it's clear bottling this up is getting you down- are you out to your parents, could you talk to them about this? Alternatively maybe you could write these thoughts down in a journal at a specific time of the day- give yourself half an hour each day to get your thoughts out of your head and onto a piece of paper, and go about your daily business afterwards. Some people feel like writing things down helps, maybe you might as well if you don't already. Finally, any school counsellors you could talk to about this? Offloading it to an impartial person who you can trust, while not the same as telling the person you have feelings for, can help "lift the weight" so to speak. So those are some, uh, "coping mechanisms" I can think of, which might help these feelings feel less acute.

    As for telling him. Well, you can't see the future, but you can try and build up a more detailed profile of him by digging around a bit. You could try dropping the subject of friendships with attractions into some conversations, I guess. Perhaps you could even make a few light-hearted remarks about you liking him, to appeal to his humorous side? Then you can gauge his reactions - does he carry on the conversation as normal, or is he fazed by it? That also gives you the bonus of leaving yourself enough room to play the "it was a joke" card, if things start blowing up and you don't feel ready for that.

    Another couple of thoughts on getting past him. Two roads you could take here: you could distance yourself from him, and try hanging out in other circles until maybe you feel less attached to him, or you could make a concerted effort to get to know him even better. I'm making this second suggestion because, as you say, you see him as "perfect" - you've put him on a pedestal, because in reality of course he isn't perfect. If you get to know him deeply enough you might find he has his bad points, or annoying habits or whatnot. The point is you'll be able to see he isn't perfect, and that could help you to stabilise the way you see him.

    If I have any other thoughts or questions I'll chip in again, that's what I've got for now though. You'll get through this dude, keep your head up :thumbsup:
     
  6. GreenMan

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    If he's a good friend, he probably won't push away if you tell him that. If anything, it might bring the two of you closer over time.
     
  7. LilDuckyCantFly

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    I am out to my parents (hell, I'm out to everyone) but I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to them about this specific subject. I've tried keeping a journal before but I always just end up drawing instead of writing haha.. and I have weekly sessions with the school counsellor because I often get judged because of my sexuality, the way I wear my hair, the music I listen to (I'm a bit of a metal head) and it does tend to help most of the time so I'll probably talk to them about it when I go back to school after half-term. I've tried dropping that subject into conversations a few times but as I've said he tends not to take anything seriously and he normally just shows me his abs as a way of teasing me and he says stuff like "you like these right?" Or "go on, touch them"... he's really hot and this will more often than not cause me to blush and hide my face with my hair and then he just carries on talking about whatever we were talking about before... it confuses me a lot because I can't tell if he's joking or not... he's been my best friend since I was 6 and I know him really well and yes, there are certain points which I find annoying, but as I've known him for so long it doesn't really bother me anymore because I'm used to it. I've thought about trying to distance myself from him but I think this will be a kind of last resort thing.. if all else fails aha... but nevertheless thank you for all of your suggestions :slight_smile: I'll be sure to try some of them :thumbsup:
     
  8. Winter Maiden

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    Don't mention it :slight_smile: We're rooting for you!! ^_^