Sorry guys, but I just cant contain it anymore

Nothing Is wrong with you get that out of your head right now. Honestly what I think you're feeling is pretty normal. I mean c'mon you have all this pressure from your homophobic family members and then you got everyone pressuring you to get a gf which you don't want and I know I hate it when anyone asks why don't you have a gf? It's like no stfu I want a bf!

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I don't have much for advice, but I can give you a hug through the internet. (*hug*)

 

I don't want to say your over reacting cause I feel that would minimize your struggles but things are never as bad as they seem when your depressed I feel that you should focus on the things that you can control...
Your family's homophobia is out of your control...i know it's hard but you have to realize its their problem not yours there's nothing you can do about it...
I think your being too tough on yourself because the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up cause there's already enough people that try to anyway dont help them...
stay strong GG

 

We'll have to break this into three sections...

The first area that we need to address is, yourself. As has been mentioned previously, things, sometimes, are not as bad as they seem. The mind and our emotions can often betray our reality.

You always can control how you deal with something. Though this is easier said than done, there is truth to this. It is best to keep a bad situation bad, as opposed to letting a bad situation become worse.

What you're doing, there is nothing inherently wrong with it. Okay, you like men, so the fuck what? Your family seems to have an issue with it, okay, well that's all on them. While it may be hard to do, with their nagging and comments, it is important that you begin preparing yourself, somehow and someway, to escape from that environment:

School, a job, hanging out with more friends. Just get away from those toxic grounds, so you can breathe and think clearly. Even if what you can do is minimal, do it, and consider it an investment for a better future. You already know what your present is like, so if you dislike it, do what you can to move on and away from it.

The second area is your family. Yes, they may have birthed you and raised you, but if they cannot respect you, you're better off without them. That's harsh, perhaps even cold, but you already know how they're making you feel. If you attacked a core part of who they were, would they not be upset or even pissed about it? Of course they would, and this is no difference, save for the fact they aren't homosexual themselves, and they don't quite like or understand it.

Take a good look at your family. Accept how they make you feel, and ask yourself, is this worth dealing with? Use them as a scale of sorts, a reminder, of what not to be, in general, or in raising and helping others. Even in the bad, you can still find benefit, if you're willing to apply it.

Until you can get situated, appease them. Don't sell yourself out, of course, but cater to them here and there, so they'll get off your back. If they continually harass you, just say you're wanting to study or find a job, and dating would distract you from that. Perhaps throw in a line like, "I want to be in a good place, financially, so that I can treat a date as they should be."

If your family has an issue with that, then they're idiots. They shouldn't have an issue, and you can "ride" this for a while, until you are better situated. Be on the look out for ways to improve your situation, be it money, friends, or opportunity. Don't let your depression cost you from a chance at freedom, which you can achieve, if you're willing to clench your teeth and bear with the misery for a little bit. Tell yourself, it won't be much longer, and keep making investments, no matter how insignificant or small they appear.

The third area is your future.

I've already mentioned, you know what your present is, and unless you do something to change that, it will also be your future. It's easier, sometimes, to accept hopelessness, because we are used to it, it is familiar to us. But that lethargy will guarantee you remain, shackled to negativity, and constantly eroding away. You will become somebody that you will detest, somebody that isn't the awesome and unique individual that you are, somebody who would be an incredible partner for some lucky individual otherwise.

Life isn't fair, I know. My upbringing wasn't ideal, but it also wasn't the worst. Instead of focusing on the negative, I try to remember the positive. This can be hard, yes, especially when we're feeling emotionally weak or troubled, but...

You can't climb out of a hole by laying down, you have to go up.

Use what hurts you to strengthen you,
Use what angers you to move you,
Use what hates you to remind you...

That temporary setback is the test for whether or not we achieve permanent success.

If all else fails, remember:

Doing nothing changes nothing. If you want something different, you have to do something different.

 

Is there any way you could go out an be on your own? Do you have a job? Maybe if you were on your own you would be able to search for your love.

You're not a bad person for engaging in cybersex. I know how you feel. You feel lonely, and that's a way to temporarily escape from your loneliness. I use porn for the same reason. I would highly advise against using Skype and similar platforms to engage in cybersex. There is a risk that you could be recorded and end up on the internet somewhere, and even scarier, that you would be recognizable in the video. It's very dangerous. There is also the possibility of blackmail. There are people who make money by blackmailing people threatening to expose their recorded videos. If you must, I would use regular porn because at least it's fairly anonymous and there is very little danger of you being compromised.

 

There's not a single thing wrong with who you are! (*hug*) So, you're not out to your family. Then I think you have to ask yourself, what would you rather do:
1) Go on lying to them
2) Tell them all (and risk losing them all, or some of them)
3) Break with them/radically distance yourself from them.

I think being open about who you are is the first step to finding someone! Take care now, honey! See ya! <3

 

You'll be surprised at how much of this pressure you feel from others is actually pressure from yourself filling in what you perceive to be the wishes of others. It's natural to feel pressure from parents wanting you to have a relationship, it's the next step in life. You're not their little child anymore and the next thing is you do is provide them with grandchildren. But above you having children is they just want you to be happy whatever happens, even if you don't provide them with grandchildren having a son who is happy is more important than one who is sad with children.

I felt the same pressure from just everyone to lose my virginity while I was still 18, I did and it was pretty awful and I've just been trying to forget about it ever since. Afterwards I realised that no one was actually telling me I HAD to have sex, it was only what I thought I had to do. And it really made me think about pushing myself into doing things I thought I had to do for other people.

 

Golgari, just try to hold on a bit. You say you're planning to move out, then do so when you can. You can then, if you want to, come out to your parents (when you are financially stable).

Your family pressures you in finding a girlfriend and that's not doing something good. They basically remind you that you're single and that "others have found someone already". That's no good. If you're moved out, things will likely get better. =) You can freely be who you are, not having to hear those things and so on. :icon_bigg

And, do I think you should stop doing cyber sex? No, I do think it's risky for you to do that with strangers (like EpicConfusion said), but it's your decision. Even IF you (and the stranger too) do that to get off together, you do get joy from it too. And since you describe you are lonely, it does help you, even if it is temporarily. However, if you feel that in the long run it's not helping you, then you should consider stopping it. =)

Good luck Golgari. (*hug*) I think it'll be better for you eventually, but you have to hold on a bit now. (*hug*)

 

Hey (*hug*)

I don't think I have anything to add that hasn't been said already, but I wanted to give you a hug. You won't always be in the environment you're in now. Just keep moving forward, and you'll be out of there someday. In the meantime, when things get hard and you need to vent, we're here for you

 

Could you possibly work while doing school as well? That would definitely help you be more independent.

You're not stupid. That's a normal feeling. Human's brains are wired to disregard consequences and take risks when it comes to sex. That's totally normal and everyone gets that. I do the same thing. I know that porn could mess up my life if I become addicted, but I always end up doing it anyways because I don't think about the consequences of my actions.