I don't want to live on this planet anymore. I don't think I want to live, period. I don't want to get abuse every time I leave the house. I don't want to feel worthless and pathetic anymore. A few minutes ago I went to the supermarket. I had finished my shopping without incident and was having a reasonably good day. I loaded my purchases in the car and was in the process of returning my trolley. As I was crossing, a car pulled up and blocked my way. A group of kids about 17-18 years old. The driver shouted "Hey fatty, can I have your number?" They then all burst out laughing. I felt absolutely crushed. I didn't want them to see that so I politely asked them "could you move along, please?" Because apparently they deserve that respect and politeness. I then got in my car and I cried. I drove home and I cried. I got home, unloaded my shopping and cried. I'm still crying now. I know it sounds pathetic but I am so hurt. I don't want to be alive just so people can brighten their day by crushing mine. I know people will say that I have to let it bounce off me but after years and years of this I haven't gotten any stronger. It breaks me down every time. Are there any decent people left in the world? Is it my fault? I'm starting to think maybe I deserve this abuse because I'm big. A lot of people will say that it was a silly little comment and shouldn't upset me. It shouldn't, they're right but it's the unsaid implied comments that come from it that hurt. Someone please talk me down because at the moment, I don't want to be here anymore.
Your response was very ladylike and for a 23yo that is amazing! Therefore you must be a extremely rare type woman. You set a good example in public that moment though it hurt. Here in Florida there would have been a fight in the lot for sure. We cannot change others, but should rise above and lead by example. For me I say JOB WELL DONE! I go through little comments from women all the time as to my looks (mostly deliberate misuse of pronouns) Because to them gender is about body parts. In reality it is insecurity on their part. That boy probably has real insecurity issues and you were just the nearest target. Don't worry as you will find your place in this world, it happens with time. I was extremely insecure at 23 but not at 42. Think about how bad those boys lives must be to behave like that in public! No happy home there! Good Show, June
Sweety, please don't say that! You're worth twelve of them, just as Hermione was worth twelve of Malfoy. The world will never run out of a-holes. Absolute sadists, who can do nothing to brighten their day but to bring shadow to others'. First, I think you need to accept that you're obviously a sensitive person. I for example, aren't when it comes to those things, but you are. That doesn't make you wrong or right, it just makes you you. And there is nothing wrong with being big. Again, I am thin. That's because that's a trait I've passively acquired just from going about my days. You are different. You are you. But remember, you are so much more than the parts of you you do not like! You are everything that make us here want to chat to you, talk to you, be with you. You're part of a human family that does not take exterior into consideration. You are beautiful, just the way you are, and you will always be so.
What those guys said was absolutely terrible, and to put it bluntly their just a bunch of assholes. I have had people say some terrible things to me so I know how you are feeling. Don't let the cruel words of some jerks bring you down. You matter, and people do care about you. None of this is your fault. The blame rests solely on those that said those remarks. You are a kindhearted person which cannot be said about those guys. People that bully others and say cruel things to others are just not happy with themselves. Rise above it, and keep strong. Try not to let it get to you.
Thank you so much everyone. I guess there are nice people in the world. Why do people want to hurt strangers, I couldn't imagine ever saying anything hurtful to someone on the street, or someone I know for that matter.
(&&&) Big hugs, Vesalius! You would think that there would be some law against this in England. It really is not fair for them to hurt you like that. I would be offended in your place, especially as they are younger. I have to deal with assholes like that all the time. As long as you don't fight back, you can be safe in the knowledge that in twenty years, you will be happy, and they will be miserable, with no job, no friends and possibly behind bars. It is fine to say "don't let it get to you", but it doesn't help. Crying is fine and natural, and emotional release is healthy. It's fine. As I say, in twenty years, you will probably never even remember this. So well done on your level-headedness. Have a nice evening.
Power, if you want the short answer. It's easier to bring people down than to bring them up, and when you see somebody change their mood or mind -- because of something you said or did -- it gives you a sense of, well, purpose. It's a very dysfunctional confidence boost, but a fairly easy one to get, as opposed to actually working on something and reaping the benefits. How do I know this? Because that's what I did. To add to what others have said: It's okay to cry. It's a good way to get things out of your system, but don't let stay stuck like that. It'll wind up making you feel worse. If you want motivation, here it is... When you allow these people to control your life, you're allowing them to win. And when they win, it reaffirms that this type of behavior is okay, and should be continued. The best thing you can do is ignore it or utilize it -- use that sadness or anger, and put it into something. Exercise, writing or drawing, singing, being reminded of how precious a kind word or firm shoulder is to another. Anything but turning it on yourself, to further destroy you. Don't be just another tally mark for hatred. Stay golden.
Kanashimi, ikari Chikari ni kaete Let your sadness and anger Change into power (what she said) Try your best not to let it get to you. <3
You want to escape to avoid fighting back or to avoid getting hurt, but there is another solution. You don't have to escape. Their words hurt not because of your physical being, as would be the case if they were beating you with a stick, but because of your ego. I'm not saying you are egotistical, I'm talking about your place in the world. Or to the point, your sense of place. You let pride determine your worth and that allows attacks like these to make you feel as though you cannot be valued. If you can let go of pride and stop competing with others, you can begin valuing yourself on your accomplishments instead of how you compare to others. Then their attacks won't hurt you because they simply won't have any meaning.
Thank you everyone. What you've all said really helps. I think my main problem has always been that I agree with what people say to me. I agree that I'm hideous, disgusting and worthless. When you agree with the people who shout abuse at you it's hard not to let it affect you. I need to start to love who I am even though that's really hard for me. Like Kaiser and Triflow said, I need to use it to make something and myself better.
I disagree with you! The way you handled that ugly situation shows you are beautiful inside where it counts most. You are as all humans a spirit which inhabits a physical body. A mean/ugly spirit cannot be fixed whereas your appearance of your body can. When I used to dress female I had cloths fitted to accentuate my good features and learned to use only one focal point to any given outfit. IE I have nearly no breasts, but had good curves and legs so I kept the focal point low and men would always watch me go by in a good way if not hit on me for a date. They had no idea they were looking at a technically another male in body. I always wore gloves, elegant dresses, heels, petticoats, and such attire of a southern lady. I could not buy dresses off the rack, but had my cloths tailored for my body, also I carried myself like a Southern lady of means. You already are a lady inside, if anything outside feels unappealing to you then dress it away. If you are uncomfortable about your looks, you will present that and be received by others as having that shortcoming! No man cared I had small breasts or even mentioned it as I knew and felt I looked good so I presented that air of confidence! June
You were a hell of a lot more polite than I would have been, and that says a lot about you! ...I would have been insinuating they all have tiny, tiny dicks and that's why they pick on other people. >_>'
