This is my first time posting to any kind of forum like this, so bear with me. The main reason I'm posting is because I'm starting to wonder if I may be bi/gay, but there's so much that has been up in my head. I apologize in advance for any rambling. Let me give some background about me first... I'm 20 years old. I've been with my girlfriend for two years now, and as much as I would like to say that we've been happy, it wouldn't be the truth. At least not from my end. When we started dating, I found myself trying to "change" to fit what she might want, because I wanted to be with her so badly. I obsessed about her for quite some time, because she played the "hard to get" game with me, because her brother told her to, since she didn't know how to act on her feelings for me. Anyway, we started dating and it was great at first. Then I realized that we didn't have as much in common as I thought. She is a very giggly and flighty person, and I tend to be somewhat goofy too, but I also like to have intelligent conversations. Up to this day, I have yet to have a truly intelligent conversation with her. She is smart but just so naive. I do care for her, and I am definitely attracted to her, which is why I've been with her for two years. I'll admit, I've known since the first year with her that this relationship won't be able to go the long run. I've been with her this long for three main reasons... 1) I can't get enough of her body (she is gorgeous) 2) She has become my only friend, and the only person that I have. Which is a bad thing. 3) I know that she loves me, and I am terrified of hurting her. Like I said, she is the only person I have. Over the two years we have been together, I have let my other friends be phased out more and more, to the point where I only spend time with her, and only talk to her and maybe one other friend. I know it's bad, and I know I need to end it. But I have zero self esteem. I am a very skinny guy. I have always been, and over the past couple years it has really started to mess with my head. I feel inferior to other guys, and insecure around pretty much everybody. This is something I'm trying to work on, because it has caused me to feel quite depressed occasionally. I'm so insecure that I feel terrified of the summer season coming up, because it means I won't be able to hide behind sweatshirts anymore. I keep telling myself I'm going to start working out to improve my self confidence, but I have yet to stick with it. Anyway, recently, I have noticed that I'm finding other guys I see attractive. I'm a little freaked out at the thought of kissing another guy (no offense intended to anyone on here), but yet I was making out with my girlfriend the other day and for a split second I pictured myself with another guy. It shocked me honestly, so I opened my eyes to see her face instead. Since I tend to be a compulsive thinker, these past few weeks have been hell. All I can think about when I see other guys is if they're attractive or not and if they might be gay or not, and whether I might actually be bisexual. I am definitely still attracted to women, but these thoughts have been freaking me out. I think I've been trying to convince myself that I'm thinking these things because of my low self esteem. Almost like since I don't have the confidence to talk to any other girls if I was to break up with my girlfriend, that I'm starting to find other men attractive. But I also feel like this might be just me trying to hide from myself the fact that I might be bisexual, and not wanting to accept it. I've also started to go back and forth between picturing men and women when I masturbate. Up until a few weeks ago, I would only picture women. Now I go back and forth. I'll look at a picture of a woman and be aroused, then I'll think about a man as well. Then I'll go back to the woman, ultimately leading me to be even more confused. I can definitely see myself with a woman in my future, and up until a few weeks ago I never would've considered a life with another man, but now I don't know. I am afraid to experiment with another guy. I don't really know why. Maybe because I'm afraid of liking it? Regardless, I need some advice. After hearing all of this, do you guys think I am just confused and compulsively overthinking things? Or does it sound like I am actually a bisexual. I've never had thoughts about guys up until now. I don't know why it would start now. But I need help. Any comments is appreciated. Thank you all.
I don't really think one can 'overthink' one's sexuality or gender Life is a process of self-discovery. Everyday we learn new things about ourselves. Sometimes they're small, sometimes major. If you're feeling attracted to guys, then you are likely bisexual or heteroflexible or similar. It is not for sure, and you may identify as whatever you wish. With your girlfriend, I think one thing I would recommend is to tell her about this. I'm not saying that's going to catalyze anything at all, I just think it seems like a good idea
