5 years My GF still in closet I need advice PLS.

Just gonna put my two cents in, even though I don't have much practice in this area as of yet. I just recently (last year) had my, fell-for-a-girl-guess-I'm-not-straight, moment. But, I think your concerns and thoughts are valid. From the stand point of someone who's still "in the closet," at this point. It's mostly because there's no reason for me to be out, I can understand how scary it is. When I was going through the motions with my crush, I was very up and down. If we were somewhere we most likely weren't going to bump into anyone (to my own knowledge - she didn't care), we'd hold hands or act flirty in public. However, there were moments I became distant because I was like, holy shit, I like this GIRL and I'm holding this GIRL'S hand and liking it and I'm in public being head over heels like a 12 year old with some GIRL. And freak out a little (on the inside) and back off or stand apart. If I was in front of people I knew with her, I'd try to act as tame as possible even though I knew I was beaming emotions straight at her. I even had to be tame with her, because I didn't want her to know that I was so, so into her. I was partially in denial and kept telling myself that things we were doing were still "friendly" and not a big deal, but I'd go home analyzing the hell out of everything/fantasizing about our beautiful future life together.

My point is, I know what it feels like to want to hide from everyone. Society sucks, and it's not fair that we even have to question who we fall in love with because of what others will think, but it's always there. However, I was so into her that, well, I did hold hands with her and be flirty in public. And if I would have gotten to be with her, or she felt the same about me and wanted to take it further, I was so intensely into her that I probably would have just been like -- hey fam, hey friends, you see this hot chick? Yeah, she's mine. No need for applause. On the other hand, it didn't go that way, so I can't say for sure that I wouldn't have been like, we need to hide this for a bit. I actually also feel like that would have happened, as well. Maybe not for long, but, well, obviously it's very complicated, and so, maybe it's very complicated for your love.

Is she completely confident that she's a lesbian? Is she still going back and fourth with herself? Has she just become too comfortable in the closet? Either way, I think you need to examine your relationship for yourself, and for her, but more for you because you're obviously not happy. I think the number one trait of a healthy relationship is having very open and honest communication, so you really need to talk to her and go deep into what she's thinking and feeling in regard to being out.

She's obviously not straight because she's with you, so it's gotta be a huge battle within herself at this point. I mean, it's FIVE YEARS. That's a long time, but I can see the comfort of having your relationship and eating your cake in the closet, too. Maybe suggest she go to therapy to help herself come to terms with who she is so she can come out. Not because it's important to tell the world and everyone that you're not straight. That's not the point. But it is important to live a full life, and if you're not going out and acting like any old couple would out in public, then it's not a full life, and I understand why you feel like something is missing. You just want to be who you are. I hope things work out because it sounds like you're very lucky to have someone you love so much and who loves you. But I think it's time to make her face the music. It's not selfish to want the life that you want, it's not selfish that she's afraid to be out about herself; it's no one's fault here. I just think you need to really talk to her and possibly seek professional help since she's so stuck.

Good luck

 

Might be time for an open discussion about where you both want to be in the coming future. Part of making a relationship work long term is having similar goals for the future, being on the same page as each other. You're thinking about marriage and sharing your life with someone openly. Is she? If she wants similar things to you, and being in the closet is stopping her doing this, then is there a way to make progress on this, does she want to go down that route. It is obviously her choice here but it's important to recognise the sacrifice required on your part should you choose to stay. It's important for both of you that you're open about what you can and can't sacrifice anymore.

 

That's a lot to handle, the religious aspect. I mean, I'm someone who can't wrap my head around that, because I'm not very religious. I also can't stand by something that makes people feel bad about something that's natural...so, that's going to be tough for you two. And then her parents being doctors, well, then they should understand a little better - though I know that science can't really explain that. When I was first questioning (I'm very into biology), just because I'm very curious about human nature and think deeply about that kind of stuff, I felt like homosexuality (in a purely scientific way) didn't make much sense because we're here to reproduce, therefore it's a little flawed that we can become attracted to a same-sex partner since there's no way to reproduce with each other, which sucks so much, by the way. Either way, sexuality is sexuality and people aren't just bodies, they're chemicals and personalities and whatever, and in that respect, it's just human nature to love whoever you love because it's who you're drawn to. Doctors should be able to be a little more open-minded, but hey, society :help:.

And not talking for a week but being in a five year relationship? Eep. Maybe you need to think about how worth it the situation is to you overall. Is it that important to her since she's not even trying to get in touch with you? I don't know... you need to think about your happiness even though you love her. And no, I don't think you should have to be in the closet with her, I really say you guys should go for couples therapy or something.