Hi, I haven't posted in a long time but I've been coming back and getting support and encouragement from other people's posts. I guess right now I'm just lonely. I work full time, I'm doing school by correspondence part time and for four years I haven't let myself live much outside of that routine. It's really starting to weigh on me. That's not to say I don't have things I do for fun, I have a horse and go trail riding with my old lady friends, I play the violin, but most of my activities only serve to isolate me further. I'm not out to many people, no one really who I interact with on a daily basis, I work with my dad and don't have many friends; the friends I do have happen to be at least 30 years older than me. I've tried joining groups, book clubs and other things but I just have a really hard time making friends and not just acquaintances. As for dating, yikes. I went on a date last summer with a guy I met online, he was friendly enough but I just wasn't feeling it, you know. I'm also not so sure about the whole online dating thing, it's hard for me to feel like everyone on those sites isn't a creepy predator (including me :bangThe date before that was at least three years ago, I liked that guy but it seems he wasn't too into me. Fine. I have yet to go on a date with a girl. I really wish I'd started all this dating stuff sooner, when I was in high school or university, now I feel so restricted because of where my life has led me (I emigrated from the UK to the USA about 9 years ago and left all my friends behind). That's not the most complicated bit, if It was just about finding someone I guess I could try harder, join more things, make time for it instead of pretending I'm not interested in dating or possibly living with anyone, my line is "I love being single, I can do what I want when I want with no one checking up on me", and yes, I do love the freedom, but it's pretty isolating. I'm genderqueer (biologically female) and what I want is to be someone's boyfriend, I don't want to transition, I'm sure i'm not trans (I wouldn't say no to a histerectomy (sp.? Sorry) though.) So finding someone open minded enough to be fine with my boyish side and my need to sometimes dress and act like a boy with all it entails seems like an impossible task. I have one more year left doing school until I'll have my masters and I do plan on finding a new job and moving to a new place. But until then, that's another year of not living my life, not getting out there and experiencing things. Sorry for the ramble, just needed to get some things off my chest.
Well you could try to relax a bit, and do something you really like, and brings you in contact with other people... here are a few ideas: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/166447-how-do-you-make-friends-adulthood.html#5 another option would be lgbt places, with courses, events and activities... If you have difficulties in making friends, you might think about why... it might be expectations on your side... if you could simply relax and be yourself, that might help... just being you, showing glimpses of yourself, and talking to others, and they showing parts of themselves... its like a give and take, and if you could just show yourself as you are, that might help... people might be more accepting than thought, and if not well you might look elsewhere... hugs
I'm sorry to hear you're lonely. I'm no stranger to that feeling and I know how depressing it can be. On the plus side, you have a hot British accent, yeah? British accents make me melt. :icon_wink I'm sure lots of other people find that accent sexy, so +1 for you lol. But seriously, some of us tend to bury ourselves in work and other stuff and let life pass by. You deserve more than that, and you deserve to have someone who loves you. It's not easy making an effort to be social sometimes, but it's always worth it. Just curious, why do you feel like everyone on dating sites is a weirdo?
Thanks for the link, i'll check it out. I really like to ride, but sadly this only brings me into contact with older folk at my barn. Although i really like to go to conventions and will be attending one in November. I almost signed up to go to an adult camp for string players but at the end of the day i couldn't afford it. Maybe something along those lines though, a community orchestra if i can find one. I might not meet people i can date but it could help me make more friends. I do have a British accent, from the north so less posh and more well northern i guess. Yeah, making the effort when you're pretty much exhausted can be tough. I really do need to socialize more. I honestly don't know, normally i'm totally cool meeting people online, like i met some of my best friends through livejournal and although we don't see each other often we keep in touch and visit. I also am totally fine meeting people on facebook and through groups, i recently shared a hotel room at a convention with a girl that i'd met through a facebook group. For some reason the thought that i'm meeting someone with the specific intention of going on a date freaks me out; that and everyone i talk to about it always has really negative things to say about online dating. I told one friend i was meeting up with a guy i'd met through an online dating site and the reaction i got from her was incredibly negative, i only told her so i could keep in contact with her in case anything bad happened during the date, so someone would know where i was.
Online dating can be an option. Its simply necessary to apply safety measures. It might be a good idea to give some thoughts to a profile, look a bit around for an idea what a good profile could look like (and there are tutorials), and add a few personal explanations or sentences, and maybe showing a bit of humour. And imo its necessary to filter a lot of candidates, communicating a bit to get a better impression, maybe communicate via webcam (safety measures here, too...) and listen to a gut feeling if something feels off. Simply saying no, of course in a nice way, if necessary. So it might be necessary to have a look at a few people, and spend some time. There might be people who are not all honest, but there might also be people who are candidates. And possibly its necessary to be a bit active yourself if there are only few candidates in your area. Well if your barn hosts mostly elder people you might look for another. Usually there are small groups or clubs with stables, and there might be a different age group there. You might start out by renting horses, they often do that. Or you might ask if you can take part in a day trip, or look for that opportunity. There might be some people who organize day trips. I'd say just start out slow and have a look at the organizers, being together in another group with different horses might take a bit of adjustment. But it might be really fun. hugs
