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Lesbian Attracted to a (Possibly) Genderqueer Person

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by PunkRockKitten, Apr 18, 2015.

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  1. PunkRockKitten

    PunkRockKitten
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I've had a crush on my friend for a while now. I've been trying to get over her as she isn't looking for a relationship now and I'm not sure if she is attracted to girls. Recently this crush has been a new source of stress for me because my friend might be genderqueer. She changed her gender on Facebook from female to gender nonconforming and removed the female sign from her Tumblr description.

    I'm not really familiar with the term gender nonconforming and I've found different definitions as to what it is. Some sources say that it is a genderqueer person and others say it's just somebody who is not a stereotypical boy or girl. My friend has not asked anyone that I know if to start using different pronouns for her and she hasn't talked about it other than a Tumblr post where she mentioned the changes she made. She said that she's not sure whether gender nonconforming is an identity or a form of expression but she changed those things because it felt right.

    I will support my friend regardless of what her gender is but I'm just confused as to what this says about my own sexuality. I'm really not sure how I feel about her anymore. Can I not be considered gay anymore because of this situation? I'm also wondering if it would be appropriate to ask her about her gender. I was thinking of maybe just asking her if she would prefer if I used different pronouns for her. I'm afraid of offending her because gender identity isn't exactly my area of expertise.
     
    #1 PunkRockKitten, Apr 18, 2015
  2. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Well from my understanding, gender nonconforming just means that you don't follow typical gender roles and expectations. It sounds like your friend could have something more than that going on though, although I can't really say for sure.

    I think you can still consider yourself gay though. As far as asking her goes, I'm not really sure. Since she made a public change on facebook and tumblr, I'm assuming that she's not trying to keep it a secret, so it shouldn't be a problem to ask her. Or maybe she'll bring it up at some point.
     
    #2 Acm, Apr 18, 2015
  3. Verb

    Verb
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Just ask her about it and listen to what she has to say. As Acm pointed out, she's clearly being pretty open about it so I doubt she'll have a problem with you asking.

    No one has the right to tell you your not gay because you like a genderqueer person. However if you find yourself thinking about gender in new ways that mean you don't feel it's applicable any more... That's a totally different kettle of fish. But try not to worry about everything at once. Talk to your friend first.
     
    #3 Verb, Apr 18, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2015
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