I've been feeling down for a long time now, I just cancelled two of my classes. For the last week or something, I've been constantly nervous and afraid and I've been thinking about this thing that happened a long time ago. I'm thinking about talking to either the psychologist at school or the student priest, but I have not had experience with either, so I don't know how that will work out. I am not good at talking about my problems, and I'm afraid I won't get the help I need. I keep thinking what if I mess it up and make a fool out of myself while there, because I'm not a good talker at all. I often tlak through my friends. Like I tell them to say what I want to say. But I feel like I've come to a point where I really want to put this behind me, because I keep thinking about it way too much and it's weird. It was such a little thing. I should be strong, and not think about it because it happened in the past and it isn't relevant anymore. I wasn't hurt physically or anything, it was just a kiss. And it was on my neck. And everytime a male that's higher than me stands close to me, my mind picturing the moment and I feel like I want to retreat or hide. And it's so pathetic now that I write about it, because it was just a kiss from a stranger, and lots of people do that daily. I'm not slutshaming, btw. I think it's a normal thing nowadays, and it's so weird that I can't deal with it. I've been looking it up online, and some places say it's not rape, but some places says that it was sexual assault and that it goes under rape because I did tell the guy to leave three times. And he came back twice. It was at a public water park, in the showers. They were stall showers with curtains. All the other stalls were taken, so I couldn't switch stall. I don't want to talk to much about it here. I looked at my school's pages and they say that the student priest is a guy everyone can talk to about anything. He has drop in hours tomorrow, so I'm thinking about trying that. I'm not familiar with this tho, I don't know if it's a thing in other countries. But I am not sure if I can talk to a priest about this, because he is christian and he might not like the idea of a man kissing a boy. I was 14 at the time. So I'm thinking about going to the psychologist, but I feel like that would make a too big deal about it. And I don't want it to be a huge thing, because I have alot of things to do at school, and I feel like I'm not going to end up at the finish line with everyone else. I am the oldest grandson on my mother's side of the family and the oldest full vietnamese grandson on my dad's side, so it's kind of a big deal that I act exemplary. All of my cousins seem to have a normal childhood? I don't know if this is the right word, it feels wrong. English isn't my first language. What I'm trying to say is that everyone seem to have a normal life like they're following the same template and hitting all the right milestones. I just feel so bad, I'm sorry if I seem unclear, I usually go through texts I post, but I just can't bring myself to proofread. I'm sorry if there's no structure. I'm sorry it got so long, but there's more and I want to talk face to face with someone about this. But I also kind of don't, because I don't want to get attached to any deals and obligatory follow ups if I decide to back out and can't.