1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Feeling very down but scared to talk about it.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Anonymous132, Apr 22, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Anonymous132

    Anonymous132
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    (A bit of a ramble sorry)

    Recently i've been feeling so down. Its uncontrollable. I know a lot of people go through things and feel down but i fear its something more. I havent been happy for a long time, in fact as long as i can remember. I mean i have alright days at college and i'll smile at my friends and make a few jokes but on the inside i feel so bad, so numb and all gloom.

    Its not necessarily due to any particular aspect of my life, in fact my life seems wonderful to others. I have a good job, i get good grades, i have a car, my family are brilliant. Dont get me wrong its not like im not grateful for all these things but well, im just still not happy. I have no idea why. Its been driving me insane especially at night lying there wondering whats wrong with me. I feel so guilty for having all these things and not being happier.

    Ive felt this way for about two years now (years 11-13 school years). I just cant seem to get out of this cycle, i can condition my brain to think positively and it works for about 2-3 weeks but then i crash. And i crash hard. Right now im in one and i feel so alone. My two best friends really dont understand, with most guys taking the snap out of it approach. I just dont know what to do, i feel like im losing my mind. Im bored of life really (not that i would harm myself in that way) but to me life is so boring. its just existing. I guess existing is not the same as living and right now i know im just existing.

    People have told me to do what i 'enjoy' or what i love. Dont get me wrong im interested in what i study and im excited to head to uni, but i dont love it. i dont have a driving passion for differential equations. who does? its just what im good at. i think the only reason im doing it is because i dont know what i love. i have nothing keeping me engaged in life. its like im a spectator to my own life.

    A couple days ago i was just tidying my room and i found a toy i used to play with and i just broke down. maybe it was remembering how easy or simple life used to be, but i just lay there on the floor crying for two hours for no apparent reason. I never usually do that. Im usually good at keeping it in. Im just worried because where a year ago or so i would of been fine in a situation im now desperately out of control and getting worse.

    Im sorry this is very random and a pain to read. I just need to vent to someone, something at least. The part that worries me is that this is just the very surface of problems that seem to consume my mind every waking second.

    Any help or even just an ear to listen would be appreciated. Thank you.

    Anon.
     
    #1 Anonymous132, Apr 22, 2015
  2. nohalos

    nohalos
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    Hello.

    I couldn't offer you any advice, but I can tell you that I have gone through the same before.

    Back when I was in high school, I felt so alone, and I too had alright moments with friends of mine, but no one saw how lonely I felt inside. Everyone thinks my life is perfect, they say I could have anything I want (I'm not that privileged, to be honest), I was doing well in school, everyone says I had the perfect life. But it just wasn't. I couldn't pinpoint what the source of this loneliness was. I stayed like that until I graduated, moved out to go to University and made new friends. I think the newfound freedom I had was the one that made me let go of that void I was feeling. I'm not saying that maybe you need to find new friends, but it certainly gets better.

    Sending out hugs to you.

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
    #2 nohalos, Apr 22, 2015
  3. ilovesg

    ilovesg
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2013
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I felt the same way for a really long time. The thing that saved my life was telling someone. And I know you already told your friends but I think you should start another conversation about it. People throw the word depressed around all the time and they might not have taken you seriously. I felt guilty for a really long time because I thought I was lazy and unmotivated and it was all my fault, but believe me it's not your fault. There's nothing you did that would make you deserve feeling like this, even if that's what you keep telling yourself. I think it would be good to look for a counsellor at your school or somewhere else because you really deserve help even if you don't think you do. Even though my therapist wasn't really a good one, she gave me hope that people around me were willing to help even if they didn't understand what I was going through 100%. Once I started going to therapy my dad tried to help me out more, my mom was more sympathetic to my feelings, and my sister was more open to me talking about it. So the therapy itself wasn't helpful, but it still helped in other ways. I hope you talk to someone about it even if it's just on here. I hope you feel better soon.
     
    #3 ilovesg, Apr 22, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)