So i don't honestly know if this is more of a rant or anyone can give a opinion but I need to let some stuff out. Some of you might now my bf died two months ago and I already staring to move on. I loved my bf and wanted more than ever to marry him and and spend my life with him. It is hard to see couple in love and getting married I will be honest it is and it gets me wishing i had that back. But now i feel the need for some new found love and a possibly a new relationship. I feel ready to take that step in that direction and have already got on some online dating sites just to make some connections for now hopefully someone good comes out of it. I don't want to feel like I am quickly trying to replace lost love and desperately looking for it because I am not and don't want to feel like I am hurting my deceased bf's feelings by moving on. I think a lot of people in my situation after time goes on desire a new relationship and to have that again in their life. But I am somewhat paranoid of a eventual death I will be honest and my boyfriend while I loved him and cared for him and did not judge him for it he struggled with his weight and maintaining a healthy diet. So it makes me somewhat cautious about dating someone with those issues and being concerned for their healthy. I know some of those fears are irrational and I do need to work to get past those and it will get better in time. I appreciate any prayers, support or opinions on these problems. I could not got through these months without this supportive site i will be honest.
as this obviously (and understandably) matters to you, I will say something, though I am no expert. Losing your bf like that must have been hard, and the grieving will take some time. You have probably been told about the stages of grieving, as defined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. They are a helpful way to understand the process. I guess what you are saying, though, is that you are worried the same thing will happen again? That is understandable. Whilst people generally don't chose to die, nevertheless those left behind can fell like they have been 'abandoned' in some sense. That can make you cautious about exposing yourself to being abandoned and hurt again. I can tell you that is an irrational fear. But most fears are irrational. That does not make them any less real. Sometimes in life you just have to act 'as if' - going on with things ignoring the fears. In time they will subside. You have my prayers.
I think it's pretty great that you're able to move on. Like really. That's a huge and important step and it's definitely the right direction. I wish you all the best
