Hi everyone, I'm new here and today I also had a conflict with my mother. The past few months we haven't really gotten along that well and it's because I'm trying really hard to transfer schools to graduate from because for the past five years I've been bullied and harassed in my school for my sexuality. It's a small conservative school so I guess you'd assume that would happen. To get the background story short: she ultimately keeps stalling, and overtime I get the chance to she doesn't follow through. She knows I hate it in the school and that I don't feel safe or welcome by staff or students. I feel no real connection to the school or many of the people there. Today was also an open house for a college about an hour and a half away. I woke up in a really great mood, I was happy and excited. The car ride down was fairly decent, we talked and were getting along. When we got to the college we signed in and started talking to people and I'm shy so I don't like talking to people that much so she started to and it just seemed like she kept making it a point to every single person who was representing the college that "I didn't go to college so I don't know how this works" and I just felt like it was unnecessary because you can ask questions without broadcasting to everyone that you didn't go to college. She would even do it after making silly mistakes such as when we were signing in and she didn't see the sign that said you had to sign in at the table that had the letter of your last name's first initial. "Clearly I didn't go to college... I'm such an idiot about this." She said to the counselor who signed us in, and I feel like it wasn't only embarrassing to me but to her as well because she puts herself down about it as well. When we were talking to one of the students about the major and school that I'm interested in he was reading our name tags that had the town of the school I'd really like to go to, my grandma lives in that school district and I work in a grocery store in said school district as well. To me this is home, I have friends here and I feel welcome. The guy kept cutting her off every time she kept trying to tell hims something and I gave her the look that said "don't do it" but she did and said "oh, well we don't actually live there he goes to school in this school district" and I just thought really? I don't want to associate myself with that school if I don't have to, especially not to people who don't need to know. We ended up leaving after fifteen minutes because I was upset that she kept saying things like that, and really this visit was more for her than it was for me. I already knew most of the stuff about the school because I visited previously and I went to a college fair and talked with the school. I told her we could wait for the tour of the school I was interested in but that was an hour later and she didn't want to waste time and wait, which is understandable, but there was other things that we could have done that didn't involve talking to people and making herself out to be stupid and claiming that it was because she didn't go to college. I mean, I feel bad because she cried because she feels like nothing she does or says is good enough for me but at the same time I've told her time and time again how depressed this school makes me and she doesn't listen. Yes, when I go to college the admissions office will know if I graduated from that school or not but that doesn't mean that everyone else needs to know. It's something I like to leave behind when I go out into public. So everyone can be honest, I really want to know if I'm just being ridiculous or not. If I am I think I could use the criticism because who doesn't need helpful criticism every once in a while? Thanks everyone. - Eric.
I'll admit I didn't read your entire post, but what I gleaned from it was that she made this entire trip about her. She didn't make it about you, and attending a new school, and about you being happy at a new place. It's about her, and using her insecurity about her own education levels to make sure everyone pays attention to her. The thing is, in a situation like you described above, no one gives a shit whether your mom went to college or not. Going to a new place is overwhelming as you try and take in the campus and where things are, it's natural to make mistakes like not noticing a sign to sign-in according to last name. I'm guessing she kept making those comments to make you feel insecure about coming to this institution so you won't attend. Perhaps it's jealousy of your opportunity? In any case, she doesn't seem happy for you that you're now able to move on with your life and begin a new chapter. Someone who was happy for you would greet people like "this is my son, he's excited to learn more about this place and looking to attend a college in the fall. He'll be the first in our family to attend college."
Well, this is one of the colleges that I'm interesting in going to but our previous "battles" and her lack of willingness to help me is just me changing high schools because I don't want to graduate from my current one because of how much I've been through with it, and to be honest the education there is subpar compared to the one I'd like to go to. So I kind of understand what you're saying, especially about the opportunity part; she didn't go to college and I blame mostly myself for that because she had me so young.
Right, that also isn't your fault. On the one hand, you should be grateful she kept you and raised you. She took on the role of being a mother so young for you, and she deserves to be commended for that. But on the other, she should be happy for you that you can continue with your education and break the cycle. She should want to see her offspring grow, mature, and flourish.
I am very grateful, the fact that she didn't go to college but has been able to provide me with so much throughout the years and pulled through even when it got rough (think 2008 financial crisis) is remarkable. I just feel like at times she thinks that me wanting to change schools is a way of me trying to get rid of her, and it isn't the case at all. I love being around her and spending time with her when we aren't arguing, but I seriously believe that staying in my current school has caused me to develop severe anger issues and irritability towards the smallest things. I'll be happy one second and then I'll be completely upset the next like what happened this morning.
I've known many a gay person who abhorred highschool - and it really is a shitty time for almost everybody, regardless of who you are. I quite a few LGBT friends who were on the verge of quitting highschool because they couldn't deal with the harassment and just general feeling of not belonging. Luckily most made it to post-secondary where people mature incredibly and are usually much more accepting. They stop being immature slaves to a weird hormonally-driven social pecking order, and they begin to understand one another and push their intellect. I don't know how much longer you have to go until college, but things do get better once you're out of highschool.
That's what everyone says, I spent a few days at the college with my cousin who attends there as well and I loved it. No one cared about it, which was really reassuring for me. I have one more year before I graduate from high school, but my school makes it feel like forever because of how miserable I am. :bang: That's why I really want to transfer schools and graduate with my friends, so I can enjoy the graduation ceremony and my senior year properly. Thanks for your help guitar. It's been a really stressful day for me trying to understand what happened.
I wasn't even out to myself in high school, but I got teased a lot in middle school/early high school (not due to being gay- just my general geekiness/unathleticness/awkwardness). It calmed down by my senior year, but college was DEFINITELY a nice "new start". Also, my mother tends to make things about herself and is also an alcoholic- going to college let me see what a normal "non-drama" life is like. I'm glad you're trying to "get away from everything" for college- I think you'll be much happier there
