is this the worst idea I've ever had

It's easy to see that you know what the right thing to do is.
You, I, and everyone on EC knows that it's incredibly hard to live a lie, especially when you already know that you're homosexual. While this shouldn't be your first concern (you are your first concern), you should also consider that it would be unfair of you to date a guy and then later break it off with him when you feel more comfortable with your sexuality.

I don't think this is the best resolution to the negative feelings you're having right now.
Instead, I think you should try to figure out what has been making you feel bad about being gay lately. Identifying those issues and finding ways to resolve them (asking for help isn't a bad thing ) will be a much healthier path to go in the long run.

Like I said, I think you already know this.
But whenever you forget or need reminding, we'll always be here for you. (*hug*)

Good luck.

 

I say go for it I did. All it really did was cause me years of being unhappy, make me hate myself even more, hurt two innocent people who fell in love with someone who couldn't love them the way they deserved, and resent being around them.

It was a ball of laughs. You should try it.

 

Don't say that, ilovesq. You're not dumb -- you're in a hard place right now and having a hard time with your sexuality. That's fine and it doesn't make you stupid. It's normal to struggle with this; many people do.

The best thing for you is to slowly learn to accept yourself, not pretend to be something you're not. Do you know why you're so uncomfortable with being gay? Why do you dislike it?

 

I find that I go through the same cycles, and I've been "out" to myself for almost eight years now. I think that, for me, the problem is just what you might have hinted at in your last post. I am okay with the fact that I'm gay, I even love that part of myself, but what's hard to deal with is the reality being gay in a world that is obviously more or less designed for straight relationships. On days when I remember how hard it's been for me to meet someone, how hard it is to picture a future for myself, I have a much harder time being happy with myself. And then of course there's internalized homophobia, which can be way more insidious than I think people even give it credit for.

I went through a similar struggle recently where I actually managed to convince myself that there was a possibility that I was at least bi, and that I could be with a man, which was a scary thought actually. I quickly realized that I had just created that conflict out of my own desire to be able to participate in what I saw as a "real relationship" (by society's standards). Still, sometimes when I feel really alone I wish that I could just find happiness with a guy, just so I could have someone.

I always try to remember that I still have deep, worthwhile friendships, hobbies and work that I love, and that eventually I may find someone who erases all of stress and loneliness. And that person will be worth waiting for. It's true that you aren't like everyone else, but when you do find someone, having dealt with that difference will make it all the more rewarding.

That's my two cents anyway. I get what you're going through though, don't feel like it's your fault for going backwards. It's completely natural.