Can you live a quality life without living out your sexuality? Like, like an aromantic asexual would do (but not a true one ofc) Can you keep focusing on other things, not sex, not relationships? Can you live a quality life without sexuality?
I'm always asking myself this question. I very much want the answer to be yes, but I always end up back at no. As much priority I put on spirituality, friendship, family, work, etc., there always seems to be something missing. I think it's because society seems to be designed for us all to partner off separately. Anyone who isn't able to (straight, gay, asexual, it doesn't matter) ends up at a loss. There's no support for people who end up alone. Most of us have a drive for companionship; even if those needs could be met with close friendship or a different kind of non-romantic bond, society doesn't really open up many opportunities for that kind of bond. There must be exceptions of course, and I hope that if I ended up choosing this kind of life I would be able to make the best of it, but I don't think it's easy. On the other hand, maybe I just haven't run into the kind of community and support that would make it easier.
Hi there! You might be able to focus on other things in your life for a while, but sooner or later, your sexuality is going to be knocking on the door. Your sexuality is a part of you, who you are as a person, and leaving that aside for too long, can have an impact on other aspects of your life that could in turn affect your quality of life. Do you have someone in your life, or in your community with whom you could talk about questioning your sexual identity? (*hug*)
Well, I've asked the EC members. They said I could gay or bi. No one knows. My story in short: from the age of 8-14, I was exclusively straight, all I could masturbate to was females. Then at the age of 14, things changed. I became kind of... gay? I started liking guys for no known reasons. But I was a porn addict from the age of 8-14. Maybe my brain has just become desentisized due to so much... female porn? And I've always been bi? I don't know unfortunately. :/ I've never had sex with either sex, been in a relationship with either sex.
Hi there! Aside from porn, do you ever find yourself checking out girls and/or guys? When you cross paths with a girl or guy do you think to yourself, 'she/he is cute/attractive?' Do you feel a pull? Have you ever had a crush on someone, a crush that was intense, on someone that you could not keep your mind off? Becoming aware of ones sexual identity and attractions can take a while, but as you gain life experiences and grow you become aware of different feelings and attractions. I'd say continue exploring your feelings without labeling yourself at this point.
Hi! When I was 8-14 years of age, it wasn't only girls in porn that turned me on. I would check out girls all the time, thinking about how good it would be to have sex with them. I wanted to have sex with every second chick on every street. All I could have a crush on and did have a crush on was girls but mainly women. Nowadays I think I still like to check out girls much more often than I check out boys, I think I don't even check out boys. This is funny given that in my mind, guys turn me on. Does it really exist as a phenomenon that your brain, after it's become desentized because of years of watching (in my case, female-) porn starts creating new neural pathways and you become attracted to the same sex? Is it possible that I'm bi and I've always been bi? I don't remember having these sorts of feelings when I was 8-14 years of age.
Per the quote, yep so very, very true. Not wanting to sound negative but if you can't figure out a course for yourself and get on it, your're screwed.
Per quote (above) from Mirko, given his experience, number of posts, and out status, yep I'm saying this morning he's 100% right. I reply, no you cant live a full rich life if you hide behind your sexuality. And yep as I have so rudely discovered it catches up with you. ---------- Post added 4th May 2015 at 09:02 AM ---------- I do not know if you are directing the message towards my "your screwed" comment. I will clarify my pre caffeinated comment. If you are alone, being alone starts to feed upon its self. Or can start to feed upon itself - its not absolute. Because you are alone, you begin to accept yourself as being that way. Your friends too, see you as being that way, simply because thats the way they've always observed you. I call it the gutter ball as in bowling. Unless you figure it out on yourself, no one is going to go retrieve your bowling ball from the gutter and put it back in your hands - so you can bowl another game.
I guess the question comes down to what you mean by a quality life. Personally, I can't see how denying essential aspects of being human, such as sexuality and relationships, among others, could lead to a good life. The ancient Greek and Roman stoics (Zeno, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, and many others) asked this same question. Invariably, they understood by the use of reason that leading the good life meant following our nature, and this includes the fact of our social nature. They understood that it is not good to be alone. Aurelius, for example, had a certain degree of contempt for us poor, corruptible humans, nevertheless, he understood that serving one's fellow man, in whatever social capacity humans engage in, was essential to leading the good life. In so doing, he gained a measure of tranquility and peace with himself that could not be achieved any other way.
I suppose you can, but in this day an age, there are ways you can live it out without fear. There are supporters, tehre are different places you can move to if you really want it, there are people LIKE YOU.
I think there are people who can live a quality life without a sexual or romantic outlet. I do, however, think they are few and far between and it comes from somewhere deep inside not from fear, discouragement or social setting. If this really is who you are I feel like you would know it. In general I think people who decide to settle for a life without sexual and/or romantic outlet tend to regret it. It may take a while to figure out exactly who you are. In my experience it does for everyone, gay or straight. Once you do figure it out though you have to be true to it if you are going to have a truly fulfilling life.
