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Help me Pick : Career Certainty VS Relationship Opportunity

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by sartorious, May 2, 2015.

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Career Certainty VS Relationship Opportunity

  1. Career

    7 vote(s)
    41.2%

  2. Relationship

    9 vote(s)
    52.9%

  3. Other Alternatives... (Please Specify in Comments :D )

    1 vote(s)
    5.9%
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  1. sartorious

    sartorious
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    arfff

    good day,
    i would like to my current situation and since its non LGBT related please feel free to move this post to another section if i post it in the wrong section.

    Since May Day is a holiday in my country i decided to visit my family in Jakarta, and we (my family and i) decided to visit my uncle in Bandung (another city in Indonesia) who was an ex-army general.

    We talked a lot mostly about marriage (which probably never gonna happen in my country due to sexuality issue), careers, and death (so morbid of them)

    after the long conversation i’m now confused between what path of life should i take,
    certainty of career without any opportunity to have fulfilling relationship
    OR
    Opportunity to have fulfilling relationship with no certainty of career

    Path of Career Certainty:
    He told me that i will have good career opportunity as an army doctor (Good Salary, Great Incentives, Highly Respected Status, Self Development Opportunity, Etc…). I’m physically fit to pass the physical exam, i know i’ll pass the ideology exam as long as i pretend to be a good citizen who support government(although i don’t). He promised me to to give a glowing recommendation to help me get in.
    BUT
    in indonesia there are no place in military for gays. to be able to get promoted to MAJOR from CAPTAIN we have to be married to a girl, which is a non fulfilling relationship for me

    Path of fulfilling Relationship Opportunity:
    Getting higher education abroad is highly possible for me (especially master/doctoral degree). I’ve talked to the Academic Exchange Office(Germans, Netherlands) and Education Consultant (UK). They’re all pretty convincing that i do have a great chance for having higher education abroad. The reason behind this is I really wanted to live out and proud there because from what i’ve heard they’re more accepting towards LGBT community…
    BUT
    Right now i’m a simple minded doctor that the only career i can think of is treating a patient. I don’t know what career existed for Master or PhD in medicine that does not involve treating patient. and i’ll be entering those country using student visa and i don’t know if i can get a job using that visa or the procedure to convert visa from student to work visa (Hell, i don’t know how to get a job in the first place)…

    which one should i choose

    CERTAINTY or OPPORTUNITY???

    this is all i got, this is all between 2 options that i have to decide before this September...

    any advice / suggestion / alternative will be very appreciated...
    thank you
    arfff
     
    #1 sartorious, May 2, 2015
  2. gasian

    gasian
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    Go for the relationship. As a doctor, your services and knowledge are useful everywhere. Life is only worth living, when there is something to live for, rather than working just to work. Life as a doctor is stressful (trust me, I have a ton of relatives who are doctors), and without a significant other to help the doctors, I don't think that many doctors would do as good as they do.

    From what I understand (which is very little), a PhD in medicine can allow you to teach others, and conduct research on how to help treat others. MD is where you actually treat people.

    Good luck with whatever you choose!
     
    #2 gasian, May 2, 2015
  3. butHitlerisDead

    butHitlerisDead
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    I personally think you should choose the latter option but really who can decide is you. Think of yourself 50 years down the line. Do you think you'll be happy being in the military married to someone you don't love? Moving to an unfamiliar country may be the scarier option, but I also think it's the one that will pay off more in the long run. Just remember not to give up.
    On a side note when you mean getting a doctorate in medicine do you mean getting an MD? Doctors who treat patients have MDs not PhDs.
     
    #3 butHitlerisDead, May 2, 2015
  4. sartorious

    sartorious
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    arfff

    i'll have my MD in 2 years,
    i cant practice meds in other country without being re certified and its a tiring process...

    the fastest way to get into another country long term is a master and doctorate (PhD) which the career path doesn't involve treating people... to be honest i dont know the career of people holding that degree that's why i put it as uncertainty. The PhD i'm getting is sort of research degree in medicine
     
    #4 sartorious, May 2, 2015
  5. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there!

    The questions that you have to ask yourself, and which nobody can answer for you is: what do you want out of life? Where do you see yourself in your life?

    Life is never this or that - in other words you do have opportunities to make choices that will allow you to attain both: a career that you want, and being yourself.

    If you feel that getting an education abroad, or rather continuing your education abroad would be worthwhile for you, I would suggest for you to look further into it. If you wanted to get a Masters and/or PhD in Medicine, you could try entering programs that would give you the chance of obtaining that degree. Having an educational background in medicine could open the doors to doing medical research say at hospitals, specialized clinics, academic/research institutions, government, etc...

    If you were to say you want to immigrate to another country and practice in your field, then yes the chances of you having to get re-certified are there. For example here in Canada, a foreign trained/educated doctor needs to get their credentials assessed and evaluated (if not done prior to coming to Canada), and register with the appropriate regulatory body (which have their own registration requirements, including passing assessments, examinations and residency/supervisions requirements) in the province in which he/she resides or wants to practice in.

    If you already have a couple of ideas as to which programs abroad would be suitable for you, I would encourage you to keep exploring to learn what is possible. You might also want to look into student/residency visa requirements and whether or not you can work while being on a student visa.

    When it comes to learning how to find a job, some countries (if you decide to move to a new country for studies and eventually finding employment) have support for newcomers/immigrants to find employment. In Europe you will find job centres or employment help centres that help people find work. Some countries, like Canada, have also immigrant serving organisations that help immigrants settle and find employment in the area that they live. If you decide to study abroad and stay, I would also suggest then for you to start looking into that as well so that you have all the information you need to know before leaving.
     
    #5 Mirko, May 2, 2015
  6. Argentwing

    Argentwing
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    I voted career before reading that the one you have in mind is 100% exclusive to a life you want. I wouldn't wish that on you. :frowning2:

    But I can stand by my vote assuming you pursue an opportunity that allows you to pursue relationships after you get settled. My personal experience is that a good career is nigh-priceless. The same can be said about a relationship, but there are more people up for a date than there are companies up to hire you for a well-paying position.
     
    #6 Argentwing, May 2, 2015
  7. AdelOwl

    AdelOwl
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    I would say go with the second option. You get to go to a different country and try living the life you want. If you don't like it, then you can go back to Indonesia but with an extra qualification that will help your career. Also, is there an option for going abroad to study and then taking up the military career when/if you return?

    We have had several clinicians and surgeons do PhDs or research in our lab and while most have gone back to their home countries to continue their medical careers, some have stayed in research. I guess it depends on whether you'd be happy working on mainly lab based research, or whether you want to work with patients.
     
    #7 AdelOwl, May 3, 2015
  8. Foz

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    Under normal circumstances I would say career, but Indonesia is not 'normal'. I say move and work in another country, the UK will be recruiting a minimum of 5000 doctors over the next 5 years and in some areas of the UK (such as mine) because we are more remote there are posts which have been open for over 2 years and basically the first person to apply gets it. They actually have a dedicated programme for overseas qualified staff.
     
    #8 Foz, May 3, 2015
  9. Gandee

    Gandee Guest

    *Throws in obligatory "it's up to you"*

    As someone who is doing the second option, I say do the second option. The situation in my country is way better than yours and still I ain't coming back.
    Plus you will never know what you will end up liking doing, anything can change. The risk is worth it.
     
    #9 Gandee, May 3, 2015
  10. sartorious

    sartorious
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    well its hard decision because i almost never have to pick anything for me
    everything is already picked by my parents and i just do as they told me to (except the sexuality stuff, thats none of their business)

    they picked my school from pre-K to pre-med
    they arrange my after-school schedule from grade 1 to 12 (Extracurricular, Olympic Subject, Sport, Private after-school tutor)
    they denies my childhood dream to go to army boot camp so i became a doctor (not a bad career move tho)

    basically i almost never make a decision, its always theirs
    i think that's the source of my problem

    when people said its up to you then i'm stuck with nothing

    arfff
     
    #10 sartorious, May 3, 2015
  11. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! It can be quite hard to start making decisions for yourself given that your parents have made every decision that has had an impact on your life thus far. Now you start having the option of making a decision by yourself and for yourself. Yes, it can and will be scary at times because you are walking into new territory, and onto a landscape that is unfamiliar to you. But with making sure that you educate yourself about all of your options, and gaining the information you need, things will start feeling less scary.

    Asking people to choose between two options is not the best way to go about this because and once again, nobody can make that decision for you. You need to make it and be okay with that decision - a decision that has an impact on your life, not on the lives of others.

    Even though people will say it is up to you (and indeed it is as no one can make that decision for you), you are not stuck with nothing. By starting to take the ability to make decisions into your own hands, you gain power over your own destiny.

    What do you want out of life? Don't make a decision based on a poll, make it based on what you feel is best for you at this point in your life.
     
    #11 Mirko, May 3, 2015
  12. antibinary

    antibinary
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    You'll find someone else, you may never get this particular career opportunity again.
     
    #12 antibinary, May 3, 2015
  13. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    It is folly to force yourself to be in a straight relationship if you're gay no matter the circumstance. Opportunity, methinks.
     
    #13 Invidia, May 3, 2015
  14. Im Hazel

    Im Hazel
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    If you study and decide to stop / fail (etc.), why can't you go back and enlist? As a backup plan...
     
    #14 Im Hazel, May 3, 2015
  15. Basic

    Basic
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    Your situation is similar to mine. Right now I work construction. I make good money, I have a pension, HRA, and an Annuity. It's a sure thing; but I could never be me doing it. If so much as a rumor of me being gay got out. I'd be black listed. I'd never work again.

    So. . .I decided to go back to school. I've been accepted into a college for fall 2015. I'm going to do something I love instead of something that makes me miserable. Just because I can't be me.
     
    #15 Basic, May 3, 2015
  16. sartorious

    sartorious
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    arfff
    thank you guys for your response


    Well i guess you're right, i have to start man up for myself and start making my own decision.

    I've been good at following instruction for 21 years. To be honest i don't think i can deal living a lie as big as even it have a good career certainty. But again my family think that i should consider it as my best options considering that THEY need the money due to their upcoming retirement and since they have strong belief in tradition they have a lot of kids (4 kids excluding me) that needs financial support long term. So in my opinion option 1 is good for them by sacrificing my happiness at some level.

    Ever since i was a kid (4) i want to be soldier. Holding BIG GUNS, shooting and killing people claiming to defend out country that sort of stuff. but right now i want to be myself more than anything. and i cant get both

    Enlist means following rules and instruction which i'm good at that. but the one i probably cant do is forcing a girl into marrying me for my career advancement, it wont be a satisfying relationship for me and i'm afraid to think that i might lead her on to relationship with no future.

    wow you're 26 and i admire you.
    i'll be 23 when i got my MD, but my practice license registration number wont be issued until i'm 25.
    to get master degree i don't need practice license, but if i want to re-certify to be able to practice meds in other country i have to obtain that.

    i guess i have more question to figure out, if i took option 2 how soon do i wanted to leave...

    its getting harder and harder

    arfff
     
    #16 sartorious, May 3, 2015
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