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I'm Thinking About Cutting

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by MysteriousMadam, May 7, 2015.

  1. MysteriousMadam

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    Well there's no easy way to say some of this stuff, huh?
    Long story short, there's no one who really cares about me. I have no friends at school, I'm just everyone's back-up. I'm never noticed by anyone unless they want me for a favor/if none of their other friends are around and then they go back to forgetting about me the next day. I feel like I'm not liked at home, I'm always the one who gets treated like crap or who does something wrong. I feel like my failures and faults are always seen, remembered, and recognized. Everything I try to do that's good is either forgotten, overlooked, or just not enough. I don't even like myself in a lot of ways. I keep looking forward to the future and waiting...but it's so freaking hard.
    This isn't the first time I've thought of cutting. I've been thinking about doing it since last year, but I've always been too scared to try. I'm scared of the pain and blood that tends to accompany it. I've heard on Yahoo!Answers that if you cut a vein, you're going to bleed out and die. I've had an older (ex) friend tell me that when she was 8, she would cut with her best friend; then one day her friend was cutting alone and died because she cut too deep. I also don't like the idea of the scars and people finding out.
    But really, there's the idea of being in control. You're cutting yourself, you have the ability to cause and stop the pain whenever you want to, which is different from everywhere else. I've heard that there's a euphoric feeling that comes when you cut and that it can relieve stress. Something about it seems so soothing. I feel like if you know what you're doing, you're not going to accidentally kill yourself.

    I just need advice or ideas about this, I don't know. It's all becoming too much lately :frowning2:
     
    #1 MysteriousMadam, May 7, 2015
    Last edited: May 7, 2015
  2. BisexualQueen

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    Hey I've been in a very similar situation in middle school. What you think about cutting the pain and blood and scars are very real. And to be honest you're not in control. I know it feels like it but you're not. It's basically an addiction that gets very scary very fast. They're so many alternative ways to relieve negative feelings that don't hurt and aren't a negative effect on your body like cutting is. There's a very high risk of cutting too deep and people finding your scars. If you have someone you can go to when you feel like this, talk to them. Hopefully they'll understand. If you don't have someone feel free to post on my wall or something. I'd be happy to listen to what's going on in your life and talk to you. I know this is the most cliché thing ever but it will get better. It won't be easy and it won't be immediate, but it will. Also to address the stress thing cutting causes more stress in the long run. It may feel good when you're doing it, but once the adrenaline is gone then you're left with a bloody arm and a bunch of little scars you're going to be so self conscious about. Please reconsider and do not cut yourself if you can help it.
     
    #2 BisexualQueen, May 7, 2015
    Last edited: May 7, 2015
  3. PatrickUK

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    BisexualQueen made some good points about cutting, so I will not repeat them, but I will provide this link to some alternatives to cutting: http://nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf
    If the urge to cut become strong please consider trying some of the techniques metioned.

    Talking/writing about your feelings is a good release and it can buy your precious time if you have the urge to cut. There are lots of people on here who will 'listen' to you and offer support and I'm one of them. You can PM if you want to and I'll reply as soon as I can.
     
  4. Michael

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    Scars can be permanent, and besides you risk infections... Nasty ones, with that awful putrid smell. I've seen this happening, and it had consequences for two months, plus the scars I've mentioned. Of course the first ones to notice were the parents... It didn't solved anything really, just like banging your head against a wall. That there is a group of people doing it doesn't mean it's not stupid, you know...

    There is other ways to let off some steam. It seems to me you'd benefit from having people around, and this is a good place to find them. Not everyone is a jerk (well, maybe I am... but that's not the point now...)

    Please, feel free to tell us what's going on. Folks are nice here, and most of us have been there before. Sometimes it's just too much, you are right, and it's "freaking hard" (tell me about it)... Still there is a chance you can put your head on somebody's shoulder for a while, and then you'll feel a bit better, just a bit... And sometimes "just a bit" everyday is enough on the long run, like charging a battery... We are only human, there is nothing wrong with that... And you can always do anonymously, just vent/rant cry your soul out here, there is people who will listen to you and whatever they tell you, they'll be on the level with you... Even jerks like me.
     
  5. Invidia

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    I've been there. I was so cold about it, too. I thought 'okay, life sucks. I think I'd rather be dead' and I walked around, about 8-9 years old, thinking of how I'd make the pain stop. I couldn't think of anything else.

    I am now, officially, happy. It gets better. You'll find people more deserving of you. Life is hard. It is. And it never gets perfect. But it gets better.

    I could not have said it better than Michael.
     
  6. EleanorHunter

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    As a current survivor of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and severe depression, I can relate. You're most definitely not alone.

    I'm not going to go on a tangent about "It gets better" because you've already heard that at this point. It's a true statement, but when you're looking at it with a depressed outlook, then it feels weaker each time it's said. So what I'm going to say is don't blame any of this on yourself, it's not you, it's just your brain's chemistry going nuts. What you're describing is depression; I'm not sure what kind, but it sounds like it's there. You might feel like nobody cares about you, but they do. There's just a wall in your brain that's preventing you from seeing or feeling that love. I'm sure if you told your friends how you felt, they'd be shocked. They don't want you to feel like this.

    Self-harm thoughts aren't easy to get rid of, it takes a lot of time to break the habit. I've never met anybody you just stopped cold and never had the problem again. The best advice I can give is to find yourself a distraction. Read a book, watch a movie you love, listen to some music, anything to take your mind off of it. The internet can be a lifesaver when it comes to distractions. Take the progress you make and keep building off of it, and don't beat yourself up if you happen to relapse. Each time you stumble, just dust yourself off and keep going, because eventually things are gonna work out.

    Sending lots of love and support to you! (*hug*)
     
  7. I'm_Danni_x

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    Stay strong, I'm always here for you. Continue talking to me about anything that's hurting you<3 You're amazing!
     
  8. Aria11

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    I used to cut, and still do sometimes. It sucks. It hurts, more so after than while it's happening. Don't do it. I know it sounds hard, or impossible, or you think it's not a choice you can make, but it is! Even if there is one singular thingthat makes you feel happy, or accepted, or whatever, focus on that. People, at least in my experience, view differently than they did before if they know you cut. Do your best to work through this, without cutting, please.
     
  9. BluhImCourtney

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    Well I care about you. ._.

    I love you, and I don't even know who you are. ._.

    In fact, I'm going to send a friend request right after this. ._.

    You seem like a good person to me.

    Anyways, back to the topic...

    I have cut myself in the past. Sure, it helped relieve tension then due to control stuff, but... I always had to wear a jacket to hide the scars. Even during the summer, the sweltering heat... I swear I almost fainted one time walking home from school because of that.

    You don't want that. Self harming is addictive. Trust me. I hadn't cut myself for 5 months before two weeks ago. After 5 months, felt so stressed and upset that I cut a little bit deeper, and... uh... alot of blood came. ._.

    My mom saw it and told me to clean it with peroxide after a long hug. But after I cleaned it, I felt like drinking the peroxide.

    Just... please, don't do it? Okay? I know things are hard right now, I get that... but I care about you. ._. I care about people who deserve to be cared about. Please don't do something that you'll regret later, whether it leaves scars/welts or not.
     
  10. MysteriousMadam

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    I feel like complete strangers who I barely know care more about me than people I know in real life. I don't know how to feel about that :icon_sad:

    And I feel like I should let you guys know because it's obvious you actually care, I haven't cut myself but I still get a lot of urges here and there.
     
    #10 MysteriousMadam, Jun 8, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2015
  11. Aria11

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    Stay strong! We all love you. (*hug*)
     
  12. kaotyc

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    I'm a former cutter. From 13 until I was 23, I cut. I never did it anywhere it could be seen in public. It's an addiction. It got to the point where I couldn't feel happy until I cut. I have scars up and down my thighs. I was on suicide watch, and I've tried suicide 8 times.

    I care about you. And I've been there. But cutting is NEVER the answer. I recently talked down a stranger who was your age I ran into at BK who was suicidal. Her parents made her abort her child. She was a mess because of it. And she's still here. I helped her. Because I cared. And now I'm helping you. Because I care.
     
  13. MysteriousMadam

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    I love you guys......<3
    To be honest, I have also been considering anorexia and bulimia on-and-off these days because I feel like I'm really fat and I want to lose weight. I don't know what keep stopping me, I think I'm a coward. I really hate physical pain and I think that's what consistently holds me back from starting these behaviors. I didn't think it was initally anorexia because I said I was going to eat less and that quickly progressed to planning to starve myself. Then ideas of throwing up after I ate came into my head as well.
    If I haven't started now I feel like I have nothing to worry but I just don't like how the ideas and "plans" to do these things are still in my head :frowning2:
     
  14. Doppelganger

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    Hey there,

    Well, I think lots of stuff has been covered and I am glad that apparently you are not considering self-harm anymore (even though is concerning to see that you might be considering an ED, but I have no experience with those).

    You said that you feel like self-harming would make you feel like you are in control and looks like is something that's bothering you (as long as I know, eating disorders have lots to do with control issues too), is there any particular reason for that? Why do you have such an urge to feel in control? Sadly, self-harm has little to do with self control in the end, it's highly addictive and a habit that's very hard and difficult to give up. If you haven't done it yet (I hope you haven't), please, reconsider it.

    There are plenty of other alternatives that could help you with your need for control or other things in which you can focus rather than harming yourself. Please if you still feel like you might hurt yourself, talk to someone. Really. It will be so worth it.

    Edit: if you want to talk about it or need someone, feel free to message me, anytime.