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Online Dating Dilemma

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by lovetoomuch, May 10, 2015.

  1. lovetoomuch

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    Hey everyone, I could use some advice on what you should think I should do. I came to this forum for advice in the past and got some great feedback - so I am hoping for the same in this situation.

    I am not out as gay; no one expects me to be attracted to guys because I do not fit the stereotypes (even though I do not appreciate them). Anyways, I would really like to start meeting guys and seeing if I could find a guy I like because I'm tired of being single. I have never had a girlfriend (even though I have had the opportunity in the past) because I do not think it would be fair to date a girl if I do not truly like her. And obviously I have never dated a guy because I am not out.

    I made an account on *******, but I fear putting a face picture because someone I know may see it. Guys that I message don't seem to be interested because I do not have a face picture (and that is completely understandable). I really want to put a face picture, but I fear the consequences. What do you think I should do?

    Also, is there any other options to possibly meet guys? All advice is appreciated; I just ask that you be respectful and not rude. Thanks!
     
  2. Chiroptera

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  3. sweetfemme90

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    It is completely understandable that you don't want to put your face online to the entire world. You have a few alternative options.

    1. You can try offline dating. This means you will have to go to LGBT-friendly places (e.g. gay bar, PFLAG, school club). Be open to meeting new people and lots of them.

    2. Find another dating site. Some dating sites let you post private photos. Meaning your profile is posted and when you contact someone you can attach a photo. Remember this means you will have to initiate 99.9% of the people on there. Usually people don't contact a profile that doesn't have a photo posted on it.

    3. Consider the consequences. Do you live with your parents who would kick you out if they found out you are LGBT+? Or would people just gossip behind your back? If you are going to be in physical danger or run the risk of being homeless I would not post a photo online under any circumstance. If you don't have that risk as a possibility and you just fear people gossiping about you, I wouldn't put my dating life on hold because of gossipers.
     
  4. chocolate dream

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    It is a bit daunting putting your photo on show.But surely the people who you fear discovering your account wouldnt be on a gay dating site anyway.And if they are,surely they are also gay??
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    The reality is that pictures are important for using such sites most effectively. You can try using a filtered picture which removed some of the clarity, and then have a degree of "plausible deniability", and see how people respond. Alternatively, you can be proactive by creating a well written profile that is humorous and closely reflects your character, which people can read when you reach out to them directly while sending your picture in the initial text. Neither are ideal, but no harm in trying.