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Keep feeling left out in life

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Jogos, May 11, 2015.

  1. Jogos

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    My whole life i have felt left out from the world, I dont know if its because im gay, i felt this since a child, I understand there must be many others that feel this way but there is proof as to why i feel it, its not just all in my mind.

    Im 20 years old btw, Since 16\17 I made a friend in high school who is like a best friend to me, she always comments on my FB page and is nice to me, in times when many others didnt like me, but i found out she had another FB account where she told me she only adds some people (not me) as she wanted it to be private, well now she has added more people and not even request me...

    another situation in a guy i met this year he has always in person come up to me and been super cool with me, but i sent him a friend request on facebook and he didnt add me, so today he was calling me on the way to school like he normally does and said for me to come up to him, i said "hi" and just kept walking , it hurts me a lot, these people dont add me on facebook YET THEY ADD EVERYONE ELSE

    and it makes me question whats wrong with me? in person they all seem genuine.. ive had fake friends in the past, they act genuine but dont add me, and they do everyone else which questions why they even act nice around me, honestly in person they take the time to speak to me why wont they just add me?? :frowning2:(

    It hurts so bad and me ignoring this guy hurts because he is really nice to me, and not many people respect me

    1 - why do you think they are like that not adding me?

    2 - what should i do, keep ignoring them in person?
     
  2. sappho06

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    They sound like assholes. I think that Facebook shouldn't be a big deal though... Ask them about it. See what they answer, and show that you're hurt. Some people care way too much about "popularity" and forget what real friendships even are. It's sad, but it's true. Maybe they don't want people to know that they hang out with you? I don't know what kind of "reputation" you have. Just talk to them.
     
  3. HugasaurusRex

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    I would not even give people like them a second of my time. People like them are not worth it, but you are. Facebook....The bane of everything sane...I think that is the worse invention to be made, granted I can see the uses in it, (I myself use it to keep in contact with family and friends I would otherwise not be able to) but I would never let myself get caught up in any of the drama that seems to revolve around the accursed site. I personally think you should just cut them from your life and not give it a second thought, you are worth more. And find people who will love/care about you for who you are and not what they could gain from you.

    But that is just my two pence.

    (*hug*)
     
  4. Jogos

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    If its ok id like to ask everyone that reads to leave an opinion, Thank you to those who already responded! I am feeling very emotional but i can control my actions, and thoughts a bit, its just tiring and sad to be alone, and i feel like it just doesnt make sense, why talk to me nicely face to face? this time i had to finally to the guy ignore, because i knew it was the right thing to do
     
  5. atoadaso

    atoadaso Guest

    I know how you feel. Social media-related anxieties are very common, & I struggle with them sometimes myself. It's very easy to feel unwanted/unappreciated when you're treated differently online than you are in real life. Do your best to not let things like Facebook affect you so deeply. I don't know what these people's true feelings towards you are, or why they ignore you on Facebook, but social media popularity isn't a measure of your real worth--remember that.
     
  6. Lone Dragon

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    Social media is a funny thing, isn't it. I never could quite understand people and their online behavior. I know how you feel. I had people reject my request and people who had unfriended me, some for no reason at all, (that I could think of). I think rejection played a huge part in my reaction to it. Why would someone reject a friend? To me I always thought, if you are friends in real life, then there should be no problem being friends online, but that doesn't seem to happen all the time. I definitely think it's a popularity contest, although it doesn't really make sense to me.

    I know facebook is kind of a silly thing, but if they really won't accept your friend request, then I think there is a small problem. My really good friends always accepted me online and we have better friendships for that. With that said people are free to make their own choices and people always have reasons for the behavior, silly or not.

    I wouldn't loose a friend over it completely. If you enjoy their company then wait and see. I could never get the courage to ask my friends why they rejected me online, but for the most part my friendships with those people kind of stayed intact.

    I also agree with atoadaso, your self-worth IS NOT measured online, even if some stuck up people think that. But believe me you can always find other people to make friends with and then those old "friends" you won't have to think about to much.

    And there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect just the way you are.
     
  7. Jogos

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    UPDATE: So yesterday with the guy he called me and moved his hand when he saw me coming on the street as if to say "join me" i said "hi" back and ignored him, just kept walking on, so today he didnt speak to me or look at me, deliberately, and it hurt me so much, on the way home in the street i stopped on purpose to wait for him but i was fake texting\pretending to text on my phone, i do this a lot, and he passed by me and said "bye (my name)" in a tone of voice that was.. how do i describe not angry but not sad, i wouldnt say hurt, im not sure but in between strict and forced... and instead of the usual going and talking with me some of the way, he just passed me by when he said it.

    I felt so hurt, i understand he is heterosexual but i think i have feelings for him, i have spoken to him before asking if the others in the class had an issue with me because they seem too, but he said no they dont and seemed genuine. I am thinking tomorrow of talking to him face to face and explain that i didnt speak to him because i felt socially rejected, the 2 reasons why i wanted to add him on facebook were 1 - because we get along and 2 - because then when school is over we can still talk... 4 weeks remain till school is over and I really wanted him to be my friend, he was the only one who was nice to me. I dont know what to say :frowning2: im so so so hurt, last night the whole thing at 4-am was around my head, circling and circling

    WHAT SHOULD I DO
     
  8. HugasaurusRex

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    Most people in life do not have a back-bone and will be nice to your face and slag you off behind you. I myself do not see the point in that, if you do not like someone for what ever reason either do not talk to them or explain the problem. Makes more sense, but sadly the dicks out-weigh the nice folk. You just need to find the nice ones. But again, I would not even be too worked up over Facebook, FB friends mean nothing.

    Forget him, he is clearly not worth you or your time. If you are nice to him and he does not reciprocate it then forget about him. There are people out there who are better for you and worth more. It is a shame the heart works like it does, always falling for the "wrong" ones. But at 20 you have plenty of time to meet friends who will like/care about you for who you are. Until then you just need to work out those who are worth your time and effort.

    (*hug*)(*hug*)
     
    #8 HugasaurusRex, May 12, 2015
    Last edited: May 12, 2015
  9. Jogos

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    I spend most of my day thinking about him its so hard to get him out of my head, plus i suffer from anxiety when i over think each moment in my mind i then start to shake sometimes or feel unwell, but thats only when i overthink. Im sad because i want to get along with him, in fact i want to get along with everyone, but the people in my class dont except me, and i never even spoke about my orientation, as for my female friend they all love her and talk to her. She spends more time with me of course because we already knew each other, and ive spoken to her about this before, how the guy didnt add me on facebook, she said she thinks its wrong also... and when i say, the class has a problem with me in general, they ignore me e.t.c she says "what ?? really? if u say so" its hard, she wont understand because it doesnt happen to her but she knows how i feel, its depressing for me...

    He always\almost always used to go up to me and shake my hand, but not talk much inside school, just on the way out or in while walking to school or from school in the street, I remember something really nice he did months ago, when i was sitting along on a bench he came up to me and said "hey wanna join the others?" he seems like a really nice guy. It hurts a lot, for me its not even, im in love with him, no i love the respect i got from him and his personality, but his 2 best friends are .. well one is homophobic, but the other is just weird.

    Would it seem strange if i was honest and explain how it is because of not adding me on facebook? which made me feel left out. When i spoke to him face to face before we spoke in private outside of school and it was ok, but ... it really gets to me, he MIGHT NOT even know about the gay rumours, which i doubt. But it might not, so why not add me?? :frowning2:(
     
  10. atoadaso

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    From what you're describing he seems friendly, he might just not know how to act around you all the time. You both seem to be having a hard time communicating clearly. You should be honest with him, tell him you wanna be his friend but you aren't sure if he actually wants to be yours or not. I've done this with several people in the past with positive results. Being honest with him like that lets him see you being comfortable being vulnerable; it says "I want to be your friend badly enough that I'm willing to potentially embarrass myself to make that happen." If you're worried it'll seem strange, there's no need to mention Facebook. You can just tell him you want to be his friend but he makes you feel left out & unsure of where you stand with him.
     
  11. Lone Dragon

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    Friendships start really slow sometimes. I don't know how well you guys really know each other, but it seems to me that your more of acquaintances right now. You should maybe ask him if you want to hang out, or talk for a little bit. Just to know each other better. Then you may realize he may not be worth your time, or that he is really what you expected. I wouldn't mention the facebook thing, just try to get to know him better.

    Plus you will find there are many people just like him who will actually give you the time of day and be much better than he is.
     
  12. Jogos

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    Tomorrow im going to see him... not really sure what too do, I am so hurt he didnt add me on facebook, and that im ignoring him, a week ago i was listening to music and he was like "hey u seem angry" i turned and said "me? why would i seem angry" and he said "u do" then completely ignored me... ok maybe i had a tiny bit of attitude then, but i was never rude to him, ive always been super nice with him, this all happened because he didnt add me and yes i am 100% sure he saw my request, he just left it pending, then i sent him a message on facebook once a week before saying

    "hey can we talk about something" he replied "did you get the wrong person? in case this is for me yes of course we can talk"

    and then face to face he is walking down the street smiling and laughing with me talking about jokes and acting like as if we ARE FRIENDS...

    this all 3.5 - 4 weeks ago isnt it weird??

    i mean come on who in (facebook private message) says "did u get the wrong person" ? is that even possible?:frowning2:
     
  13. Jogos

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    UPDATE:

    So today On my way to school, I waited for him near the usual street he goes by, also same one i pass to get to school, and he didnt go so then i went to school, and he appeared moments after, i thought maybe he went a different way to avoid me ...assumptions but who knows, his friend is homophobic and has an issue with me being gay.... no idea why other than, he is homophobic! and friends of his from the other class were looking at me weirdly and laughing\smiling, what a bunch of morons to say the least... sadly the "nice" guy was hanging around them, so then we went into class, and the guy i like, sits near the homophobic guy, they are always joking and laughing and i feel its about me sometimes, but im not sure. The last time I spoke to him asking "hey i feel you guys have an issue with me, its ok whatever it is you can tell me face to face" he did GENUINELY seem to not understand, he said "issue? not that i know of, if there was they would have told me by now" so i said "oh so its just in my head, ok then lets forget it" and he said "yes its in your head, forget what?" and then he smiled as if to say "its already forgetten" and we continued talking normally (this was weeks ago, the conversation part) anyways back to TODAY...

    After the first lesson, the bell rang and before the next lesson he went to the room where we were gonna have it and just stood there alone, so i waved my hand from a distance but he didnt seem to look, so i went up to him shaked his hand and asked if he was angry? he said no... lol bit like what he asked me week ago, when his homophobic friend arrived, they spoke to each other normally, laughing e.t.c not necessarily at me, here is the weird thing... i assumed right NOW he does know im gay, but when walking home from school he spoke to me "hey" and thats when i put my arm on his shoulder and said "hey, listen im sorry about monday, me not talking to you, its nothing personal i was just hurt" and he said "nah, its ok i didnt really care"

    LIE because if he didnt care he wouldnt of stopped talking to me, anyways so then we carried on talking as usual, but he seemed to offer some genuine help he said "hey do you wanna talk about it?" and i was like "its stupid things in my head, i just treat others how they treat me, and sometimes i think things that might not be true"

    he replied "yeah, sometimes we can be thinking and thinking about a specific thing and it not be as bad as we make it" then we both spoke regularly again

    ...HERES MY OPINION: I think the guy has social anxiety, not a lot but some, and i do believe him not adding me e.t.c is because of his friends influence which really pisses me off, but he does genuinely seem to like me.... ahhh i wish he was just honest with me, he would make such an awesome boyfriend though :frowning2: -..

    I need honest advice please