Hi there, I've got a situation and I'm kinda desperate to get to know if others have struggled with my problem as well. Sorry for my imperfect English, it's not my native language. This is my first post, so here's a little introduction for the story: I'm a young female who's defined by her friends as a meneater, but is a lesbian. Although I think I knew it all the time, I was always busy with men, and being gay was just, you know, not a thing I could be. However, about a year ago I fell deeply in love with a woman. I told my closest friends about it and they think it's kinda cool. But my problem is, eversince I can't stop thinking about me being gay. There's this weird obsession with, basically, my own sexuality. I live in a very heterosexual world, but I LOVE being gay. It's hard to explain, but there's something inside me that wants to know everything about gays, and especially lesbians. I want to know how they look, what they do, what they wear, what they watch, what they eat, where they live, where they party. EVERYTHING. It makes me so happy to see them. Even though I have absolutely no interaction with gays (tbh, this is the first time ever to post something on one of the million sites, blogs, channels etc I stalk), I want to know them. (But just not to be like them) But lately, it's becoming a kind of unhealthy fascination. It seems like I'm obsessed. Every free minute I have, I search for pictures, stories, movies etc about gays/lesbians. My obsession even makes it hard to focus on my study/social life and is starting to cause serious troubles. Had anyone experienced something like this? PLEASE help me, it's becoming a real issue for me. Sorry for the long post..
First of all, you don't have to apologize for your English! It's better than a lot of native speakers I've met. I kinda have, yeah. I think it's natural to wanna learn about your community, especially when you're new to it. There's a good chance this is something temporary you're going through because you're excited about your identity. But, you might be able to reconcile your "obsession" with the rest of your life. Find ways to make some queer friends, & you can all bask in your gayness together. Work queerness into your schoolwork, if you have the opportunity.
