Being Yourself vs "Gay Covering": What is the difference?

lol dude, you dont have to adopt or change anything about yourself in order to fit some label of what a gay person should just be who you are dude

 

All the things you described are gay male stereotypes. Nobody that's worth anything will try to guilt you or force you into being any of those when it isn't who you are. You don't have to be a stereotype just to be a "real gay". Not all gay men legally have to listen to Cher or be wedding planners. Your gay identity is made up of one thing: the fact that you identify as gay. That's it, that's all you need to be gay.

 

Be yourself = don't be fake = don't "act" a certain way because it is supposedly expected of you.

 

Definitely; you've got it backwards. People might "macho" themselves up to hide that their stereotypical inclinations, but this isn't because they want to. It's because it's easier to interact with a prejudiced public that way. If you are naturally averse to being queeny like that, then there's no need to make it so to avoid some guy's judgment of "covering".

 

I would suggest covering would be more along the lines of getting a subscription to Playboy/Maxim, going to Hooters and strip clubs on a regular basis. Pretending you're into women. Even dating them (look up "beard").

BTW just so you know, many "drag" entertainers are not gay, and a lot of gay guys have no interest in cross-dressing.

 

Being gay means you are attracted to the same sex. Everything else - like the stereotypes - are just social constructs.

 

Just a thought, try googling things that interest you with the word 'gay,' like "gay engineers," "gay surfers" or "gay camping."

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the resources you find.

 

There is absolutely no reason you can't be gay and enjoy BBQ, surfing, camping, and firing guns. Also, being gay doesn't mean that you have to speak with a lisp, dress "stylishly", or enjoy dance. Just do you and if people don't like who you are they can go screw themselves.

That said, I don't know how old you are, but alot of people who come out do eventually catch themselves being more "stereotypically gay" at some point. I'm 34 and started coming out in my late 20s and have been fully out for a year maybe a year and a half. I never thought that I fit too many of the stereotypes (well except that I love to shop). When I came out to most people I got reactions like "you?" or "you don't act gay". As time has passed I have became more and more comfortable just being me. I didn't make any conscious effort, but I catch myself doing stuff that is "stereotypically gay" quite often now. It's not that I try to "look gay" it's that the real me is finally coming out. I have a tendency to stand in the stereotypical pose with my hand on my hip. Used to be I would have caught myself and immediately stopped doing it because I didn't want anyone to know I was gay. Now I don't care if people think I'm gay so I don't even realize I'm doing it until someone points it out. To me it's just a comfortable way to stand. The clothes are the same way. Used to be I would see something I liked and not buy it because I didn't want to appear gay, now that is mine and I don't care if you think it looks gay. I have gone from coming out to people and them really not believing me to (a few) people just coming up and asking me if I'm gay.

Just be you and enjoy the things that you enjoy doing. Just be warned that as you become more comfortable with yourself the real you will naturally come out and you may be more stereotypical than you think. I'm not saying it's a bad thing just saying that it does happen.

BTW if you need someone to help eat that BBQ and waste some ammo hit me up lol.

 

As others have said, just be yourself and don't worry about anyone's notions of what you 'should' do as a gay man.

For my part, I don't speak with a lisp, grew up helping to butcher and castrate things (not that I really enjoyed that, but it needed to be done - and the results of the butchering were darn tasty), and although I've never been in shooting guns, I did do martial arts for a while, where I learned how to cripple, maim, and kill people interesting ways with my bare hands. I'm told by various friends that my personality comes across more as 'do it my way or I'll kill you' than as anything connected with show tunes.

Re your specific points:

>I live near a large city and my parents took me to a Gay Pride parade. I would rather hike and camp.

My husband and I go to our local Pride event as a matter of pride, but we generally don't stay very long (it's hot, humid, and we have things to do with our weekend). We wouldn't stay any longer if it was a straight carnival either. If you like to hike and camp, I'd suggest checking out Meetup.com. You didn't mention what city you're near, but I checked for any meetups within 50mi of LA and came up with a bunch including at least two that look like they might do hiking and camping. Just check the area near your city.

>I hate shopping.

Unless we're talking Barnes and Noble, I only shop when necessary and long enough to buy what I need and leave.

>I doubt that I will really go in drag.

Not all (or even most) gay guys do drag. Of those that do, most do it as a lark, for laughs such as at a Halloween party. For gay men, there is also an element of owning, and somewhat mocking, the straight stereotypes and BS about gay men being feminine or weaker or feminine traits being negative. You are as likely to see a big strapping macho musclebear doing drag for laughs as a guy who is more stereotypical in his natural mannerisms.

As far as guys who do drag as entertainers - while there are some of the elements mentioned above, there is also an element of art in the same way that an actor or stand up comedian is engaging in art. Some drag performers definitely work to look like women, while others very much work to create a caricature as part of their performance. As others have said, many performers are actually straight. And the gay ones may be totally different in their real persona than their drag persona.

>The universities I am interested in have a Gay Studies major but apart from a few classes I am more interested in Biology or Engineering.

If you want to learn more about gay history and culture (we actually have rather a lot of it), then you might consider taking a class or two in that area of study. But don't feel like you have to. You should definitely study what you're interested in. One of my friends is an engineer and is quite non-stereotypical. He's also been with his BF for about 11 yrs now.

>I don't like what gay bars appear to be on TV, but I never really liked loud music and crowds anyways.

Gay bars come in many different flavors and types from giant dance clubs to sports bars to 'traditional' bars with pool tables and dart boards. You may find that you like some and not others, or that you don't care for them on general principles. Really, it's your choice.

As far as anything you 'should' do as a gay man - just some suggestions:

Take people on the content of their character, not their orientation or whether or not they are like you or rather different.

Don't view people only through the lens of whether or not you would want to have sex with them or have a relationship with them. That way lies missing out on what may be a lot of good friends, even if they are fem, or bi, or lesbian, or transgender.

Always be true to yourself.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

As others have said, be yourself. Do what you do naturally. No need to pretend to be someone else.

 

i think the difference is doing what you FEEL , and doing what others MAKE YOU FEEL

 

Be who you are and not what others want. I am a gay male, I am not really that much of a fan of Madonna...Does that mean I am straight?

 

Personally, I'm gay. But I am still very masculine. I like manly man things. I always have. All of the things my friends have always known about 'Matt' to be true still is. My personality is the same. I'm the same person, but I like men. If you're gay, you've always been gay, but that doesn't change the facts about you. You still like what you like and are who you are, and you don't need to wear a mask because of one thing about you. Just be yourself. Though personally I understand that being yourself can be an incredibly difficult thing.