Hello. You now are reading the same lost mind who started this remmarkably depressing thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/176992-i-just-dont-know-anymore.html I am here to tell that something different happened today. Where I live days are starting to be very cold. Winter is coming and that means that those people with Seasonal Affective Disorder are starting to feel like their lives suck more than ever. And though no psychologist ever diagnosed me it, I think I have it. Yes, another self-diagnosis story. But I find this disorder not as complex as others such as Asperger's Syndrome or OCD. It's just this: in summer and spring you feel happy and sociable, and then in the fall and winter you experience symptoms of more serious things. It is due to the lack of sunlight your body passes trough. I don't medicate myself. I know there is a treatment but I don't have much real information about it so I have never tried it. The thing is that today in particular was a sunny day. It wasn't 35°C degrees like summer but for this time of the year it was hot. Plus there were almost no clouds in the sky, and from my classroom you could feel the sun streaming through the window. And guess what, I had not been so chatty and happy and sociable as today in weeks. I talked to my class mates without lamenting about the way I communicated and seriously you don't know how liberating is that for me. I could talk with confidence in public :eek: I was willing to do gymnastic :eek::eekI HATE that subject bc the last thing I usually want to do at 9 AM is moving but today that feeling was off) :eek: I could look at myself in the mirror and see a pretty lady instead of an ugly attempt of a tomboy like I was doing lately. As for my gender problems(whereby I talk about on my last thread and basically include constantly wondering why am I always so unperfect and having anguish feelings while all the girls I see around are so perfect and maybe I relate the definition of perfection to feminine and definition of unperfection and anguish feelings to masculine??? bc I am not used to see females in bad situations maybe? yeah, my head works wrong, I know), I still behavied a little masculine(deep voice, not very femenine movements), that issue came to me but I didn't mind about it. It didn't bother me like usual. After all, there is a girl in my class who is kinda masculine(just a little), has my body type and everybody sees her as a girl and she does it too(at least as far as my knowledge goes). Maybe I can be a girl after all like her? And wear masculine clothes once in a while just for fun, like I planned this summer and until very recently? That would be very cool (!) Of course, I still have a weight problem(174lb and 5,05ft) that makes me feel uncomfortable, but I can solve that of course. God. I'd wish all my days were like today. Or even better. I had better days before. Well, I guess this is the end of the post. Have all of you a (*hug*)(&&&)
