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How to interact with the same sex - help!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by kcdeclassified, May 12, 2015.

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  1. kcdeclassified

    kcdeclassified
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I am currently questioning, but am fairly sure I am a lesbian.

    But that is another issue.

    My current issue is that I don't even know how I would start trying to talk to a girl to get her to like me. I am a very charming person naturally, and I have always been very complimentive (idk if that's a word) to everyone - boys, girls, my professors, store clerks.. everyone. So, I am aware that I am easily able to get people to like me and feel good about themselves. However, I am at a loss on how to talk to another girl in such a way that could possibly lead into a romantic or sexual relationship, as I was able to do easily with a guy.

    I do not want to hit on a straight girl, because I am scared that she might get freaked out. This could be especially awkward if done to a girl in a college class with me, or on my team... I don't want to be labeled as "the weird lesbian girl that tried to hit on me" by any pretentious straight female. But, I want to find love. How do I go about trying to woo a girl, even if I don't know if she is even gay? Also, dare I waste my time on a girl who I know has been with guys in the past, so is assumingly straight? I thought I was straight once, but now I am very not sure (hence the questioning), so maybe this "straight" girl is in the same boat, and I can help change her mind.

    Another issue. I came out as lesbian to two of my closest friends, who actually helped me realize my attraction for girls (i am refusing to tell anyone else until I am 100% sure). They are my best friends and I know they completely accept me for who I am. But here is where the trouble comes in. Being the charming person that I am, I complement these two friends (and other girls) very often. I did this when I thought I was straight too. I'm afraid that if I come out to the public, I am no longer able to act in this way without being awkward. Before going to a party, I feel like I can't say "damn ___ that top makes you look hot" as I normally would without them feeling weird about me "hitting" on them.

    Any advice on how to hit on girls without scaring away the straight ones, and how to complement my female friends without them thinking I am trying to get with them?

    THANK YOU
     
    #1 kcdeclassified, May 12, 2015
  2. TempUsername3

    TempUsername3
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    New Zealand
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Ah, the century old struggle of how to talk to girls/people you're attracted to.

    Number 1 rule is always be yourself, you don't want them falling for some fake personality you made up, its incredibly hard to keep up the lie.

    Rule #2, don't be afraid to be a little assertive from time to time. I'm not saying slap them with an unexpected kiss, I mean the cute kind of assertive. Ask them out on a date, say something like "Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to go see a movie sometime." or maybe even "I think you're pretty cool, we should talk sometime over coffee." these lines are assertive but very friendly.

    Rule #3, Time. All good things take time. You're not gonna find a [sorry if this offends anyone out there] queer girl right off the bat and even if you do, are you sure you're going to be attracted to her? Sure, you share the common base of being [not so PC word coming up here] queer but that's a minuscule thing that isn't going to mean much in the long run. Get to know them in the same way a heterosexual man would want to get to know a heterosexual woman and vice versa.

    Rule #4 and lucky last, [cover your innocent eyes for this next word] queer girls are very much the same as heterosexual girls in the sense that they have likes and dislikes, get to know them, ask questions but not crazy invasive ones, ask normal date questions like "Favorite colors?" or "What's the best TV show you've seen?" or even "Have you heard of this band?" girls aren't some foreign alien species, just talk to them a little.

    As for complimenting heterosexual females with out making them think you're flirting with them? I like to flat out compliment them and when they ask if I have a thing for them, I remind them that I don't have a thing for them because they are not my type. Its usually not the best thing to say but it stops them from questioning.

    Hope this helps you, good luck.
     
    #2 TempUsername3, Aug 14, 2015
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