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Suddenly questioning my sexuality

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ATtappman, May 15, 2015.

  1. ATtappman

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hi. I'm really sorry if this post comes off as just being kind of.. all over the place. I'm just a bit frazzled right now, and especially when it comes to this issue.

    I'm a girl, but I'm very androgynous. I have a boys' haircut, and I mostly wear mans' clothes. I'm basically flat-chested, and I just kind of appear like a fleshy pre-pubescent boy. I've mostly adopted my androgynous look over the past year or so, and let me just say, I REALLY dig it. I feel so comfortable in this zone. I've even considered asking people to sometimes refer to me with male pronouns, but I didn't follow through with it since I got pretty negative reactions from the few people I brought it up with.

    I've always just kind of taken it for granted that I was straight, but my family is extremely, EXTREMELY supportive, and is totally fine with whatever I choose. I've always been physically and emotionally very attracted to dudes, although I'm really shy about talking about it openly. I've never questioned my sexuality very seriously, but in the past month or so I've started to. I think might be bisexual. - ever since I started high school I've started noticing girls. I mean, I was always a little turned on by Victoria's secret models and whatnot, but I never though much of that. But now, sometimes I'll notice a girl, and i'll think she's seriously hot. and then my mind just wanders into these fantasies... yeah. Lets just say, I'm open to trying a lot with girls, although I haven't yet. These feelings come and go. sometimes when i'm feeling really feminine, I won't notice girls at all. sometimes when i'm feeling more genderqueer or masculine i'm more inclined to notice people of the same sex.

    I have few main beefs with all this questioning though. such as...
    Am I just going through some stupid phase? - I'm having a lot of trouble validating my own thoughts on this. I mean, like I said, I've never seriously questioned my sexuality or gender until very recently, and the suddenness of it all is just bothering me. The rational thing to do is just wait it out, and an answer will present itself in time, but I JUST CAN'T LET THIS GO!
    Am I just doing this to impress my gay friends/for attention? - This sounds extremely shallow, I know. but I've actually caught myself thinking on several occasions that, I don't WANT to be all the way hetero! Am I just doing all this "questioning" BS because I want to be at the center of this hot-button issue in American politics? I just don't know anymore...
    lastly, am I just doing this because of the freaking haircut??? I got this new boys' do about a month ago. It didn't really change anything so drastically, but I just love how it feels SO MUCH. like I said, it really allowed me to embrace my genderqueer side.- It feels so much more "me". But am I taking it one step too far by supposedly allowing it to influence who i'm attracted to? I mean, I'll admit it, I can see myself more with girls after having this haircut. It's a stupid stereotype, and I hate it, but I could I somehow be doing this to myself? IT'S JUST A STUPID HAIRCUT, after all...

    Thanks for reading and any advice you can give. I don't really have any close people in my life who I could talk to about this without then thinking it's me "coming out" and taking it really too seriously, which I DEFINITELY don't want to do. anyway... thanks.
     
  2. ilovesg

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I remember feeling like this before and I'm not saying that you are bisexual, but when I realized I liked girls I said the same things. I thought maybe it was a phase, I just wanted attention, and a bunch of excuses. I realized that when I stopped obsessing over it, everything became a lot more clear. When I just let myself like whoever I was attracted to, I realized I was a lesbian. You could be straight or maybe you're not, but you don't have to know right now. I know it feels like you have to know but it will just make you more frustrated. Step out of the situation and see it from someone else's point. If someone came to you with the same problem what would you tell them? Don't worry too much about it x good luck
     
  3. ATtappman

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Lol - when I hear someone say that, it sounds so completely obvious and it makes me laugh. ;D If someone came to me with the same problem, of course I would tell them to just relax. and so would everyone I know. - It just feels so good to actually talk about this with someone who's relatively objective.
     
  4. Im Hazel

    Full Member

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    Gender identity is separate from sexuality, as you know. However, it is common for transgender individuals to completely flip their sexuality after accepting their gender identity. Maybe a similar dynamic could be happening with you? As you are becoming more and more accepting of who you are, it is opening your mind up to other aspects of yourself? Just an idea...

    But really, when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter. Labels describe your feelings, not define them. You don't need to label your sexuality at this stage. If you like a girl, then you like her. If you like a boy, then you like him. Sure, it can be easier when you have a label, but that doesn't matter for now. Question your feelings themselves, not words that describe the feelings. The rest comes later.