Well, I stepped into the shower to get ready for a night out with the family. It was as simple as that. I knew I had my answer: I am Genderfluid I reached for my wife's body wash. The one that smells like flowers in a meadow being twisted and twirled by a soft breeze. Just before I squeezed the body wash onto my rag, I stopped. I realized I was expected, as a man, to smell "manly". Apparently flowers are too wonderful for men to enjoy as much as women. I like mens' body wash and shampoo, conditioner, etc etc, but sometimes, I want that flower smell! I don't want to always smell manly. Sometimes I want to smell beautiful. I felt heartbroken. I felt like, because I have a pen!s, I can only smell a certain way. The same goes for my cologne. Sure, it smells nice, but sometimes, I would like to wear my wife's perfume. OMG! Some of the scents she has are amazing. Lucky You smells so amazing. I wish that some days I could spray some on myself and just enjoy the smell all day. But of course, anyone smelling perfume on me would question if I were "gay" or maybe my wife would ask if I were cheating, which I would never do. I wish I could smell like a girl sometimes. I just do! Just like I want to smell like a man sometimes. Panties. OMG! The panties, the booty shorts, the thongs! I love them all. They are so comfortable! The material, the patterns, the designs, the pretty lace. There are so many wonderful kinds!! My wife seems to be understanding in that area. She knows I like panties and thongs. She even helps pick them out. I wear the panties around her sometimes, but I always try to avoid letting her see me in a thong. It's probably that "manly" thing coming to mind. Something about how men should "never wear panties, and certainly not a thong". I would be so embarrassed if any ugly comment was made about it. I just wish it were acceptable to wear what I like. Something that feels good or even makes you feel good about yourself. If wearing a thong and some tight yoga pants at home makes me feel sexy, then I should feel 100% safe and comfortable doing so! I should also be able to wear a wife-beater and some boxers if I feel like it. I wish I could wear any panties I want without being scared to actually wear them in front of my own wife! I'm not afraid of wearing men's clothes, so what's the issue? Speaking of panties and tight yoga pants!! I love some sweat pants or jeans over my panties, but I also love to wear a pretty thong with some tight yoga pants to extenuate my ass. I love it. As my wife says, I am "bootylicious". Anyway, I can't wear a thong and yoga pants around the house. My wife would think horrible things about it/me, and even if she didn't, my anxiety about it would scare me into not wearing it anyway. This is the problem! I can wear sweatpants, boxers and a t-shirt all day, with no feeling of judgement, but I step into a cute pair of yoga pants with a pretty pink thong, and I'm judged like a slice of steak and I end up not being able to do it because it's not "accepted". If I want to wear boxers and jeans or a thong and yoga pants, why shouldn't I? And without feeling like a freak. I just want to live my life the way I want to. Life is too short, so we shouldn't waste it living by the standards of others. My biggest fear is my wife not accepting me like this. She is very open-minded, but how would she feel about knowing I am GenderFluid? I'm not gay. I like men and women both, but I lean closer to women than anything. 95% women! I like a man's pen!s and body, but I never was really interested in a "dating life" with a man. Not my thing. :-/ Anyway, some days I feel like throwing some boxers and jeans on with some shoes or boots, then taking a motorcycle ride somewhere. I just feel like a man! I want to ride the roads and just be myself! Just feel like the c**k of the walk. That's all I need: Some jeans and some boots. I feel like a man! And sometimes... I want to stay home. I want to curl up on the couch with a pretty thong and a cute pair of yoga pants. Just a book and some cute clothes. Maybe some toe socks too!! (Love them, don't have any.) I feel like sometimes I have to hide my manerisms. This is what GenderFluid is about. Not just clothes. It's about feeling like I'm a women sometimes and a man other times. That's how I feel. I feel like a good husband, father, and MAN. But sometimes I feel like a beautiful woman! I like to change into my "girl clothes" (which are mostly my wife's clothes and the few things she has let me buy), and just be a woman. I walk, talk and act differently. Like a woman instead of a man. Sometimes I want to walk around and shake my booty while I walk and just be sexy... but not in a manly way. I guess I will have to live my life wondering. Just wondering if I could have opened up to my loving wife and told her how I feel and see if she would let me do these things and more. I would rather live an unfulfilled life than ruin my marriage and destroy my family, all because I have finally figured out my sexuality. I love sex with my wife!!! OMG it's amazing, and that will never change. Sometimes she likes playing with my @ss. I wish that sometimes I could be the sexy girl for my wife and get @ss f**ked with one of my 'toys'. Let her put on the strap-on, pull my cute glitter jeans down, pull my panties/thong to the side, lube my @ss and just f**k me like the bad girl I am. And sometimes I want to lick her pu**y like an ice cream cone, then roll her over while she wears a cute skirt, and f**k her like a husband should. I want to be accepted for who I am. Not by strangers or friends either. I want my family to accept me. My kids will always accept and love me. No matter what! I want to be accepted by the person I promised to spend eternity with. Maybe one day. I doubt it though. How could I risk losing all I love by scaring my wife away? Or worse.... disgusting her to the point she leaves or doesn't love me anymore. :-( And I've seen these questions asked on other threads, so I will go ahead and answer. I like being called a man, but when I feel like a girl, I would prefer to be referred to as a female. Any suggestions?
Well, that's a lot of stuff. I can pretty-safely say that you are genderfluid. Try talking about it with your wife. Just come out to her. "You know how sometimes I like to wear female clothes, well that's because I am 'genderfluid'. That means that...(etc.)" If she is fine with you wearing female clothes, then she should be fine with your gender identity, right? She sounds like a great and supportive person. I don't think she would leave you, at this point. It sounds like you are pretty open - that means she will trust you. Building trust is the way forward. Oh, and tell her that bit at the end about how you still love her. Good luck!
I posted this on Craigslist in the rants & raves section. This is the email I awoke to. Very encouraging!!! (!)
