What do you do when the guy I've liked so long starts coming back around me. But instead of being close to me , he gets oddly close to my other friend. Is he just making me jealous or do u think he likes him now? I can't do this anymore. I'm so sick of being sad over him 24 7. But I can't do anything about it. I don't want to be somone s object of desire. What can I say or ask to make him be clear with me ( have won't talk to me cause he don't like heart to hearts) I just want the truth I'm sick of him dragging me down. If u want more info on our background read my other post please. I need your advice. ---------- Post added 18th May 2015 at 09:27 AM ---------- Can you trick someone out of the closet?
i know this isn't going to seem like help but try to get him off your mind. Whenever he pops in your head, push him out. Don't let this person take over your life, own yourself and if he ever tries to get close to your friend just walk away. Is your other friend a girl or guy? Is your friend straight/gay/bi? Is the guy you like interested in men? This is a chance he is making you jealous if he likes guys but no one deserves to feel bad over another. I say try your hardest to avoid him, even if he likes you it doesnt change the fact that he's being an asshole.
I read into your previous posts and I first of all just want to connect everything altogether, so correct me if I am wrong in the next following statements. So there is a friend of yours you have romantic feelings towards who treats you differently (negative context) around others than when it is just the two of you. I assume this person has been away from you for awhile but is coming around you again. You suspect your friend is using you to get closer to another friend. From your previous posts I am assuming this person you like has not come to terms with their sexuality however you been physical with each other to some degree, so he is aware you have a physical attraction to him nonetheless. If you can clarify for me the above, then I can offer you some practical advice
You'll be always somebody else's object of desire, even if you are 70. Get used to it... And no, you can't force anyone to do something he doesn't want to do... Well, you can actually try, and maybe you'll do it eventually, but as soon as you cross that line you stop being honest-human, and join the legion of true-scum. (... True-scum sounds like an obscure nordic death metal band... Sadly it isn't, or at least i never heard of them...) Why don't you just confront him? Talk to him directly in private? Whatever you do, make a decission... Unless you are enjoying your state right now. Unless you take action, things won't change, and perhaps you'll lose him to someone quicker nd braver. You wanted honest advice, that was mine...
Yes pretty much but I don't think he's using me to get close to my other friend idk why he would do it its weird i don't understand. And yes he knows I like him I told him awhile back ---------- Post added 21st May 2015 at 06:27 PM ---------- I've tried that he says he don't like heart to hearts and won't talk to me about it. Pretty much everything but me telling him I'm bi was over text. I mean I've talked to him about other personal problems but he won't talk about anything that has to do with me liking him. ---------- Post added 21st May 2015 at 06:32 PM ----------
Bearhug1994 So let's say he calls you/texts you and says let's hang out. Tell him you cannot hang out at this time because you have plans. So be busy- do something to fill your time! If he texts you, wait for a couple hours or even a day to write back to him. You aren't able to be there for him when he feels like coming around. If you are in a situation where you're hanging with friends and he is there, then of course be kind and polite but don't make a huge effort to be by his side. If we are always there for someone who treats us poorly, they take advantage of us. When we keep allowing this to happen over and over again, we enable their behavior. We allow for them to treat us differently around friends, we allow them to come around and leave as many times as they wish. Of course you cannot control his actions, but you can control your own. Be less available. Be more available to doing other activities, meeting new people, and hanging out with new or other friends you have. If he does like you and want to be with you, he will make a bigger effort to find you and show his caring side. If he does not like you and does not want to be with you, you will have moved on to other things and other people. Maybe you will even find a relationship. Now I don't want to make this guy to sound like he is pure evil. I am sure he is wonderful because after all you do like him. He may have his own issues to work on when he acknowledges them and feels ready to do so. But you cannot fix or save him. If you do, you will end up hurt in the process. You shouldn't have to put up with someone who treats you the way he does. Be assertive! Be less available.
OK I'll try it but its gonna kill me. Idk how these feelings came about but its the strongest thing that has ever had a hold on me by far. This guy has messed me up bad.
Bearhug1994 Everyone has that one person in their life that has done something similar to your situation. I am glad you are open to trying a new approach as I think it will be of benefit to you. You have all my support and I am here for you for the good and bad. If you have a fantastic day let me know, if you have a bad day or are struggling with some of this, let me know. I like to help!
I'm not sure I would go after someone like this... Sorry, but this is up to him too, and if he doesn't at least give you a sign, you are probably wasting your time and hurting yourself. Never get romantically involved with a friend. Never. I know shit happens, just got to write it down, 'cause it's true... Look... It's up to him as well. As I've said, if he doesn't give you a sign or reacts to you poking a bit, I would let it go... Put all the distance you can, and more, do whatever it takes but don't suffer any longer, tell you it's only a waste of time. I've been there before, I know how it is... Tears in rain, nothing else. Put some distance, don't talk to him, ignore him, see how he reacts... And when he comes back, confront him directly. I know he doesn't like it, but your feelings also do matter and it's your right to confront him. He is not a God or a deity, he is as human as you.
Yea I guess y'all are right, but literally idk if I can ignore him I don't want to ruin my friendship. I mean could I not just put some distance without being a douche. I know that's how he has treated me but I'm not typicly the guy that would do that sorta thing. And I can't help but I think that that the way he is acting is only because he hasn't accepted himself. And if I'm not there for him and him knowing I'm comfortable with myself and that he can talk to me I don't want him to think I'm not there for him anymore is pretty much what I'm gettin at.
Bearhug1994 I wouldn't ignore him and shut him out completely. Just don't make him the focal point of your life- that's why I recommended you expand your horizons and try new activities that interest you. This way he won't be the focal point, you will be the focal point of your life and you will also meet other people. Distance is good- keep the texting to a minimum, be friendly and polite around friends, spend more time in public places with him and not alone in your apartment. I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't accepted himself. With the previous posts of yours I read and the ongoing thread here I have been able to come to that conclusion. Whether he is into or not is something only he can answer for sure. If he accepts himself in the future and also likes you, by all means the two of you can be together. BUT IN THE FUTURE. Like way down the road. Right now it is better for you to focus on yourself and to meet other people. You cannot put your life on hold because the guy who may or may not like you hasn't come to terms with his own sexuality. I can tell you for a fact he knows you are there. He has walked in and out enough to know you will always be there for him. That's part of the issue at hand- he doesn't necessarily desire you because he has you as much as he wants you. He knows you are into him and you'll go as far as he will let you. It's him that puts up the red light and says no to everything. He has the familiarity of being around you. You are a great friend by being there for him if he ever needs help accepting himself, just give him space. Keep living your life though. He has complete control over his life, and you have control over yours. Make healthy decisions- it's not healthy for him to not accept himself, and it's really not healthy for you to wait around on someone who hasn't accepted himself. By pulling away and creating distance you will still be in each others lives for the good and bad, you just won't get sucked in this pit of misery it sounds like he is in. You will get all the good stuff that's offered up on the table at this time, and you get to escape the negative consequences that will be in it for you (e.g. broken heart, chronic sadness, obsession). Remember, distance is good. Branch out and do more things, meet new people.
