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Getting bad again..

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by choirsmash, May 19, 2015.

  1. choirsmash

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
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    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    It's been two years since I was in a deep depression and it's back. I didn't want to go home today because I didn't want to be alone. I was afraid of what might happen if I was left with just my thoughts and various items that could be used as weapons. I didn't actually do any contemplation of suicide this time and I'm not having bad thoughts before I go to sleep, but I'm having flashbacks and I feel alone walking in the halls or in crowded areas. It feels like everything is going on around me, but I'm still. Mr. P told me to just drive around until I was ready to go home. I did that, got lost a few times, and ended up at the cemetery (visited a few people there..). I actually feel a lot better now than I did. Last night, I fell for my crush again..like I was just getting over this and it came back. I will never be able to have her and I need to get over this but I no matter how hard I try, I can't do it. I happened to find a new song called Don't Wait and it is so perfect right now. I've listened to this song about 10 times in the last hour. I think tomorrow will be better...I hope. I just need a hug and some dogs. I don't want to be in this frame of mind anymore. I'm so done with depression. Ugh
     
  2. Florestan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I struggle with serious depression too, and it's hell, but it's also worth fighting for the better parts of life. Do you have friends you trust enough to talk to about it? It can be very easy to push people away, but it does more harm than good.

    Anyway, if you need an anonymous online person to vent to, I'd be happy to listen. No one should have to be alone.