Ok, so I'm new to this and I figured that this was a good place to vent/get help. If anyone has advice, or relates to me or anything else, please let me know. About a month ago, I came out to my six closest friends. One of them being my best friend/roommate. Telling him was the hardest because he was the only guy in the group that I had to tell and I didn't know what to expect. I cried a lot when telling him everything, and it turned out to be better then I thought. I knew before that that he supported gay people and everything, but I still didn't know what to expect. He basically gave me the biggest hug and told me that everything was going to okay and that nothing was going to change between us. That made me incredibly happy. Over time, we've been very open about things to each other. He asks me questions such as what kind of guys I am into, what I have done with one before, who I like, and things like that. I am glad that he doesn't feel uncomfortable asking me these things and he's genuinely curious. Since then, we've been closer than ever and I am super glad that I have him as a brother. I feel as though not a lot of gay guys have straight guy best friends, and so I am glad that I have that. There were a few nights in a row where I slowly started to go back to my "closeted" self. I would cry myself to sleep again, overthink things and put myself in a bad mood, and I wasn't sure why. I figured out that it was because I was still unhappy with myself. I know that there is nothing I can do about my sexuality, and that I can't change it. But that is something that I hate. I hate that I am gay, because I do not feel normal. I look at the relationship between my roommate and his girlfriend and they look so happy and I know that they have nothing to worry about, whereas if I was in a relationship with a guy, I would still feel scared to even go out in public with him. Even when my roommate tells me about his sex life with his girlfriend, I somewhat get jealous because it's a normal sex life that I wish I had. I also get jealous when I see him talking to his other guy friends about girls because I know that I can't really do that. I want to be able to be like a normal guy and have our friendship be normal. I feel like people see our friendship as not normal because I am gay. I sometimes even think that my roommate may be ashamed of me in front of other people. He isn't the type of person to be ashamed of that, but I still feel that way. The point of this whole story is that I am still not happy with myself. I'm lucky and glad that I have all of this support from my friends but I hate that I get jealous over these things that I cannot change, I hate that I am always so sensitive to certain subjects, I hate that I overthink all of the time and I can't control it, and I hate that I don't feel like a normal guy. What's been making it a little worse is that I am not out to my family yet. And since school is over, I am home for the summer, so the friends that know that I am gay are all home and far from me and I won't see them for another 3 months. I can't wait to move back because I'll be rooming with him again and I'll get to be myself again, but now I don't know how to come out to my family. I seem to be struggling with a lot, and right now it feels like I could write a lot more but this is the basis of what I am going through right now and what I need help with. Again, if anyone reading this has anything to say, or can offer advice or any type of encouragement, please feel free to comment. Thanks everyone!
I am sorry that you are unhappy with who you are. It sounds like you hate being gay because it goes against what you see as an "ideal" life. But, no one has a perfect life. Our lives never turn out exactly (or maybe not even close) to what we envision. But, that doesn't mean that the lives we do have are any less meaningful. You can talk to your best friend about people you both like. Just because you would be talking about guys, and he would be talking about girls, doesn't mean the conversation has to be weird. And as for "normal" sex, there is definitely no such thing. Given the amount of things that can be (and are) done in a bedroom (or somewhere else :surprised), whether or not it's two guys or a guy and a girl is merely part of the equation. You can't compare what one couple does for sex to what someone else does for sex. Each experience is unique. It sounds like you have an amazing friend. Have you tried talking to him about how you've been feeling? Also, you said that you don't know how to come out to your family. Do you just mean logistically, or are you unsure how they would react?
