Is he disinterested or closeted?

I have a colleague. We are both 40 years old. I came out recently. I think that he is closeted but cannot be sure; he lives on his own and it doesn’t make sense – he has so much to offer. I feel that I have indirectly let him know that I am interested in him. Initially he seemed to want to get to know me but for the most part my efforts to build a relationship have been one-sided. He didn’t respond to a message I sent him, has declined some invites and never initiates contact. Any contact that I initiate is quickly closed down and he doesn’t make any effort to engage and prolong the conversation. I eventually give up and feel exposed and hurt. I do feel that there is some connection and there have been some stolen glances and whenever I am not at work he asks colleagues where I am. Once I stopped making an effort with him the incipient friendship fell away. I am hurt but have to respect his boundaries. I would love if he contacted me but he does not seem interested; he only ever contacted me once and I was really happy that something was blooming albeit very slowly. I guess that I am a bit embarrassed also as I feel that he guessed my motive and fled. But something tells me that he does like me but just doesn’t want to engage as he is so deeply closeted. Even if we could have formed a platonic friendship it would have been a consolation prize but the fact that he doesn’t contact me makes me feel like I was not interesting enough for him. At the back of my mind I reassure myself that he has passed over a good guy but my negative self-talk tells me that I was shot down and that he is now uncomfortable and maybe even considers me creepy. He has had very few short-term girlfriends and has everything going for him; people at work suspect he is gay as some women have pursued him and he has declined their advances. He is an enigma and has admitted that he is chronically shy. DO you think that I am best to walk away or to continue in my efforts? At the moment if we bump into each other we salute and there seems to be no hard feelings but it is obvious to both of us that the friendship never developed and that is a disappointment and humiliation for me. It feels like he discerned my motive and brusquely shut me down. I keep wanting to talk to him and open up but he never provides me with that opportunity.

 

I have definitely tried. I will issue invites and whilst they are not always turned down they seem to be accepted if it suits him. I always get the impression that when I retreat he notices but seems afraid to engage. Sometimes I think that he is the self-actualized, self-possessed one and that I am totally intimidated when I am with him. Friends tell me to move on as he is wasting my time but There is something stopping me from relinquishing the fantasy in my head. He isn’t running away from me but neither is he advancing. I am the one investing in this relationship and he seems to engage if it suits. But there does seem to be some flicker or interest and he is a very cautious guy. I’m wondering if I should lay my cards on the table at any stage?? My head is telling me to move away but there is a part of me that just wants to spend time with him and get to know him and be able to have him trust me.