EC, an issue is in my mind: I recently decided that maybe I wanted to come out. But one thing, the F-bomb. I don't know what it is about it, as I know most people use it ironically and that never offends me, but when it is is ironically directed as me (currently in straight mode) it cuts deep. My heart drops and my mouth goes dry and its like I have a responsibility to respond. I worry that when i'm out it will be even harder for me to respond, since already its hard to not just shoot the person of the joke down- I don't want them to change their humor and I don't want to (paradoxically) offend them I know that is a convuluted- overthinking-way of thinking about the situation, BUTTTT.... how do I respond in a way that will eliviate the pressure, respond in a way that lets them know i'm offended, without making them feel ubber awkward. Because most people who use faggot ironically are actually uber self-worried about offending others and I don't want to seem like a kill joy either. That's not the out kind of person I want to be. I don't want to come out and then be on patrol. Apreciate your thoughts Thanks xxx
Stopping people from using slurs is not being a killjoy. If I used the racist n-word, you would call me out on it. Why should it be any different for homophobic slurs. Especially when it hurts you personally.
Hey Hazel, Yes, I get that. But sometimes people use racism ironically and you have to laugh. But everyone knows how to draw the line with it. I guess with the word faggot I am unsure where to draw the line with people... Thanks again xx
No, you don't have to laugh. When you laugh with them, you are being part of the problem. Imagine... You are not the only one laughing 'just because you are supposed to'. Now that is a bomb, I think... 'F.., n... and blondes' ... Being that is okay... Being a coward is not, at least in my opinion. You want rights, then you got to fight for them. To come out wasn't easy, but I was so fed up I didn't cared about reactions. Don't expect them to notice you when you are hurting : Shout at them and do us all and yourself a favour.
Maybe you are both right, maybe I shouldn't tolerate it... Thanks for replying you two really appreciate any advice right now xx
Sometimes you just have to stand up and be counted and see if they change their tune. Before I came out a few people would use derogatory terms about gay men in my presence, but they don't now. Maybe they are worried about offending me or maybe I blew their sterotyped attitudes out of the water -- I don't know and I don't care, because they were wrong anyway. This isn't about creating an awkward situation with them, but it is about self respect and standing up for your values and there is nothing wrong with that. As a Welshman, I'm guessing you know who Gareth Thomas is. Read his autobiography "Proud" for some strength and inspiration.
Usually the only people to have called me faggot are my friends, some of whom don't know I'm bi. I usually respond by saying "how did you know," and usually the ones who don't know think I'm joking.
My straight friend always used to say that when people used the word faggot it made him think of pork in gravy or a bundle of sticks, which are two uses of the word that aren't offensive! x3 You could always just picture those instead to remove the sting. If anyone gives you any trouble treat it as you would any harassment, ignore them and if it gets serious, have the police involved.
