My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 6 months now and sex has been, at times, a major stressor for me. When I was in school I would be asked to have sex at inconvenient times, such as when I needed to leave for school or too late at night. When I would refuse he would become almost violently emotionally upset. Usually I would give in but he would also insist on foreplay, which takes too much time when I am not in the mood or unable to make time... usually when I'm exhausted. Now that I am out of school, engaging in sexual activities is much more pleasant and on a more regular basis. However, a few times I have been so exhausted I have asked not to have sex but he insists we do it even though I really, really don't want to. I am aware that for him sex is a major relief of tension, so if I have the time I will always do it to make him happy. I know he has no bad intentions at heart. However, still he becomes upset even when I say yes 9 times out of 10. How do I approach this problem?
Make sure he is aware of your boundaries and maybe talk about consent? relationships should be about give and take from both people, not give from one and take from the other. Ask him to respect you as well as you do.
It can be tough at times. I have a much higher sex drive than my partner. He just needs to learn just because you don't want that time, it doesn't mean you don't love him or find him desirable. Is he against masturbation or something? When guys first get sex, they often want it frequently and that can be tough on their partners who don't want to be as active. There is something to be said for delayed gratification....
