I've been considering one night stands lately, and I don't really mean it in a bad way. I think it's great that some people can have no strings attached and keep things purely physical. However, I know that deep down, that isn't me...or atleast I hope not. I've came out for almost 3 years now, but in total I've probably went on two dates? Which both ended pretty...dull and bad. And dammit when I say the world makes one night stands so much more convenient for me. I'm bad at dating...or well, I can hardly get any actual dates for multiple reasons. 1. I'm not exactly the cutest guy around 2. When I date someone, I try to look for long-term. Like ea. Can I build a life with this guy? Though I guess it's kinda stupid since I'm still rather young (19) , but I can't help it if I rather invest on something long term. 3rd. Okay, this is actually my fault, and I drunkenly admit this. My standards are reasonably high, esp since I'm the best looking guy around. No, I'm not looking for the next Hugh Jackman or James Corden but I can't help that I want someone that I'm atleast slightly attracted to and also I'm only attracted to a type of masculine guys ( Which creates pretty awkward moments when I go on a first date and the guy ends up being totally feminine) I'm not saying being feminine is bad, it's just not my thing. Okay, on to the actual problem now that I give you my little origin story( Okay, it's not much of an origin story but you can tell why NSA conflicts with my...values?)\ NSA man. Theres alot of reason why I don't want to, but then again the world makes it so much for tempting. I mean I get offers from decently looking guys, guys I prob wouldn't date due to the age gap , but definitely guys that I wouldn't mind hopping in the hay with if there's no strings attached. I mean they prob don't really care how I look and just looking for another lay but you know, NSA! Okay, Im a little confused while writing this as well( If you're still with me) , but it's like something I would do...but at the same time something I wouldn't do. Like, 'I would tap this guy if there weren't no strings attached, but at the same time, i don't do 'no strings attached' And there's multiple reasons why I don't want to do NSA. ( Yay, another number list!) 1.I'm a virgin. I've never kissed another person before. And I know, i know, as a society, we put too much value on these things, but it's something that bothers me. I don't really wanna say " Well, your grandpa's first kiss was a hookup on ******!" Or just look back on my life and regret that it wasn't something that 'meant' something. 2.In Batman's Voice "But if I do that, if I allow myself to go down into that place, I'll never come back." Okay, that was a little over-dramatic, but like I said. NSA is so easy, what if once I go down that road, I just give up? I just stop looking for dates? I just stop trying? Like if I can find sex so easily, why bother keep looking and get your heart broken? 3.I'm a little paranoid about STDs...esp for someone who never had sex. Okay, to be honest, I'm not looking for any answers but I just need to write it down. It helps to write down what's going through your head, what my fears are, what I'm bad at, what I'm good at, and everything. I understand, I really do. My loneliness wouldn't be fulfilled by another guy or just sex, but it doesn't make me feel any less lonely. I was always the class clown, and while I know that physically I'm not the best looking guy around, I do have confidence in my personality. Now, I know this might come acrosss abit prideful but I think I'm a pretty likeable guy. I was always able to charm people to like me ( Okay, even I flinched abit while writing that). However, this whole dating thing is just...bad. It's crushing my self-esteem, and while I'm charming, my self-esteem isn't exactly made of steel...or any physical material. and...well, now I'm just ranting. but it sucks. It totally sucks. I don't know what I should do. Should I just keep checking my dating profile and hope someone messages me? Or should I just YOLO? Should I just fly to some exotic place and find my inner chi and go on a spirit journey and then write a book about it? ( Just kidding, I can't afford that.) Oh well, guess I just gotta wait and see what happens...again.
There is someone for everyone, and believe me when I say that. As for STD's/HIV, ALWAYS have safe sex. especially when it comes to one night stands or hookups. Always ask for their status and when they were last tested. However, their honesty cannot be guaranteed, so it's the risk you take for one night stands or hookups.
I love the personality you bring to the forum, it's great! Also, I don't really know if I have much advice here because I'm in a similar boat. But don't just look for meaningless sex, look for people you might actually care about. There's little friendship or emotional bonding in a one-night stand.
If you are worried about STI's and whatnot, there are two things you can do to reduce your risk enormously: -- Wear a condom -- Be the top (according to the CDC, you're more than 12 times more likely to pick up HIV if you bottom), or if you're a bottom, don't use an enema. If you want to have sex, do it. If you don't, don't. Thats just about the best advice I have for ya mate!!
