So I've had, as some may know, previous thoughts of suicide and self harm history. So before I get to what happened, I'll give a short Back Story. When I first got serious with my school counselor I told him I couldn't be honest with him or tell him any secrets because I thought if people knew they'd send me away. He told me that he PROMISED he would never let anyone take me away. So I opened up. I showed him my scars, I told him how I've had dreams, and thoughts of slitting my wrists or poisoning myself and he helped me. On April 3rd my depression got really bad and I went to see the counselor but he wasn't there but his assistant was so I talked to him. I told him I had suicidal thoughts at lunch and needed a break from class. Instead of talking me down, he called the cops. What should have been a 10-15 minute privet 1 on 1 talk turned into a four hour intervention between him, 4 cops, the principal, assistant principal, and a children's psychologist. They decided to place me in the back of a police car and took me to a children's hospital's psych unit for an additional 13 hours. I told them I was fine, that I didn't have those thoughts anymore. I told them my cuts weren't that deep or near any major arteries yet they placed me under an involentary 72 hour hold. The took me two hours away from my home and stripped me naked in front of two female nurses and referred to me as m biological name and with female pronouns. I was locked in a room and checked on every 15 minutes. Every time I was upset or anything the would just drug me. The kept me there against m will for three fucking days. For the past two months every night i've had panic attacks and nightmares that they would come back for me. My mom doesn't trust me anymore and Im always pissed and fucking tiered. I stopped trusting people. I fucking hate police and EMT's and doctors and I havnt been shy about letting them know. To me, it's their fault, though I know it's not. I know it's not the counselor's fault and I love him, he's my favorite person but in my head he broke my promised and took advatage of my worst fear. I find myself rocking back and forth repeating and chanting "I cant go back, don't take me" and no one is there. What do I do. Is there anything to renew my faith in humanity? Is there anything to make me stop hating people? Is there anything that will stop the nightmares? My therapist doesn't understand. he thinks that im out of the hospital so its over. In my mind, i'm still in the Mental Hospital. WHAT DO I DO?????
I have been through situations which may not have been as bad as yours but are similar the best thing to do is think about how you're out of there and the most likely thing is if they have let you out the hospital they wont be coming back as for the nightmares and lack of trust; you've been through a really traumatic experience And I could understand why ur pissed it should have been a ten minute talk with the counselor but it ended up being a big drama..it will take time but u will begin to trust people again soon.if you ever need to talk to anyone just message me hope this helps and wish you the best of luck
Oh believe me, I've been there. It's a fucking nightmare. I couldn't take it any more, and I went through a whole terrifying experience of about a week at a mental hospital. The entire time they increased my dosage of Zoloft until I turned into a zombie. The whole time I was there I couldnt shake the feeling of being trapped, being a prisoner. What you experienced is roughly similar to the time I spent sleepless in one of those places. I too was stripped, robbed of my shoes and other possessions, and held against my will for several days. I finally got to go home but even then I just felt worse and totally traumatized. Only after weeks of hell did I switch to Paxil after my psychiatrist realized it wasn't working. But now, a year later, I'm much better. So much so, that I'm glad I had that experience. Because looking back on it, despite how terrifying it was at the time, I realize that the people there really were trying to help. My parents, my therapist, and my psychiatrist spent a considerable amount of time and concern over me. At the time I thought I was incredibly alone and I just wanted to give up, but now I realize that a lot of people were genuinely looking out for me. But my recovery would have been completely impossible without medication. I cannot stress this enough. No amount of counseling can reduce anxiety and relieve depression like the correct medication can. I know you may hate it, but your counselor did the right thing. You need to reach out and find a better option. Mental illness greatly skews judgment in a negative way. Allow others to help you and find a good psychiatrist that can prescribe suitable medication for you. I know the world seems bleak and terrible. I've been there. It's like being trapped and tormented by your own mind and body. I had a whole range of anxiety symptoms that made my life a living hell for a long time, and I'm so glad I found the medication I did that could allow me to just relax. Stay with us, pal. There's lots to live for If you want to talk about it more, message me or post on my wall!
