I posted in here back last year and I still am struggling with some stuff.. None of the guys where I'm from really talk to me or want anything to do with me. I message people on ******, I try and get people to go out for coffee or lunch,etc., and most of the time I'm just ignored or denied.. Most of the time I try and text people, they give me very short responses and it's hard to carry a conversation and I always have to text first.. I really don't know what more I can do. I think my looks are definitely a contributing factor because I don't really think I'm considered "attractive" to anyone here. I also think when someone finally does agree to even do anything with me, I just get really nervous because I don't want to blow it.. I'm just really lonely.. I spend most of the time on my couch watching netflix and stuff. I'm trying to put myself out there more, but nothing is really working.. I applied for a job at the gay club as a bar back… so maybe that will help? Has anyone here ever experienced anything similar? If so, how did you handle it? Thank you!
Hello evchado32, Gay dating is very tricky *sigh*. One thing you are doing right is the willingness to put yourself out there. I am not a gay man so I don't have a huge understanding of gay men in relationships. I did some google searching though and dug up a couple things that might speak to you. I am hoping other people can jump in and help you more than I. This article is written by a gay man, it is on the website of a popular psychology website so it's not necessarily scientific by any means. It does discuss childhood experiences, fathers, etc. Not sure of your experiences but I thought it would be a good start in understanding how things came to be and just to lay it out on the table. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gay-and-lesbian-well-being/201409/gay-and-cant-find-partner The second article is an opinion piece. The more I read into gay men and relationships the more physical appearance seems to be important in a relationship though not necessarily the most important thing. Top 15 Reasons That You’re Still a Single Masculine Gay/Bisexual Man | Cypher Avenue – Urban News. Entertainment. Geek Culture. Discussion. Number 1 is important because it does talk about having standards set too high. It appears you do most of the initiation so I wonder what kinds of men you are messaging. I apologize if the article is a bit junky, I just think it is important for us to think about what our standards are- which by the way you do need. As for just meeting men I would suggest joining an LGBT club/organization. These are not necessarily intended to 'pick up' men but you will meet some men and women your own age. Perhaps you will meet someone there you're interested in and vice versa, however the point is to get you out of your house to connect to the LGBT community. Here is another opinion piece I found interesting The Real Reason Why So Many Gay Men Are Single | Mike Alvear "For men, intimacy is a consequence of sex; for women it's a pre-requisite." I do see some desire for intimacy from you, maybe your dating profile online makes it too clear? A friend of mine who is in his 50s says that for him that he always had to find out if the sex was good before he could consider a relationship. As a woman maybe I find this disheartening because like the article says [intimacy] for women it's a pre-requisite". Maybe some guys can jump in at this point and explain the world of men better than me I just want to get the conversation rolling. If you're unhappy about your appearance than that's a problem. What would make you feel better? I started weight lifting recently and I love it, I feel good about myself when I do anything healthy. When I feel healthy, I feel good, and it shows which makes me a little more attractive. Find what makes you feel good about yourself.
I feel like I have been EXACTLY where you are. I kind of still am. I moved to a new town last year and have no one to talk to but family. It can be so depressing to be all alone and get blown off by people. And I am sorry, but if i text another person that says to me, "Oh, hey. Sorry I haven't talked to you in a while.. I'm just sooo busy" I'm going to scream! I believe that if you want to have someone in your life, no matter how busy you are, you MAKE time for that person. So to me being "sooo busy" is no excuse. I go out of my way to call, text and like/comment/pm friends on facebook only for those people to give me one liners of to be completely ignored. It hurts! To hopefully change this rut that I've been in for what seems like forever I have joined a social club - Meetup. The group I joined is a card/board game club. I go to my first event June 18th. I'm optimistic about it! If the 'friends' in my life won't interact with me irl then I'll go make new friends. I'm a pretty good person and I think I have a lot to offer in the way of friendship. So, maybe that's something you can look into - Meetup! They are all over the world and most likely there is one or more in your town. Please know that the person you are has nothing to do with how your friends interact or don't interact with you. If you believe that you're a good person then go seek out people on your level. You're worth while and certainly don't deserve to be ignored. Just know that you can stop the pain of neglect by no longer investing energy in the people neglecting you. You have the power to stop the cycle. I wish you all the best evchado32. I believe in you. (*hug*)
I understand evchado32. I did try the dating app/website route mostly to find similar minded friends, but of course all they wanted was the obvious. I was also ignored a lot of the time as well. Don't let it get you down, they are not worth it. As far as attractiveness goes (in my own honest opinion) you have nothing to worry about. Insert the "If I were 9 years younger" comment here, haha. I do understand this feeling, I find myself very unattractive no matter what others tell me. Not being hard on yourself is one of the hardest things. Bottom line, no matter what.. you are attractive and worth it. As mentioned by bibeauty28 try to find some clubs or good groups to join! You have already stated you are putting yourself out there and that is great. Just don't give up and be safe! I am still trying to handle mine. I have low self-esteem, depression, I am a homebody, not necessarily a people person either. I am definitely not the best to give advice, but you, evchado, are making headway into this tough world as we all are. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You are an attractive young man, and soon that is going to hit you and you are going to realize you are a prize. Trust me on that. Keep on truckin man! Don't sweat it, brush it off and keep your head up and your eyes straight ahead.
