When I wasn't yet out my Best friend got asked when she was alone by someone in her family if I was a Dyke and that I looked like one. Of course not wanting to offend me my best friend didn't tell me till she felt I would be alright, And I was to a point and wasn't. About a few months down the road without even knowing what had just happened and how I felt some other friends (Weird coincidence) started considering me a dyke so this label didn't become me but it started forming around me and I wasn't sure if I should put a stop to it and be offended. Or because they don't always mean harm if I should just let it slide and be myself? That's my first question my second question have you ever been labels like this and the first time how did you take it?
Yes, people referring to you as a 'dyke' especially behind your back is extremely homophobic and offensive. How is this even a question...
First of it's a question because some of them are my friends second of I have Asperger's syndrome so figuring out the social norm is hard enough let alone being labeled and trying to understand if the way it was said was meant to be hurtful or not. Don't ask me about my questions in such a rude manner before knowing me I will not tolerate that and it feels very unconfutable. As I'm only trying to get a understanding and be understood of something i'm unsure how to take. I'm not here to be insulted because of my questioning. :icon_sad:
Whether you are offended by something is a personal choice. Nothing carries intrinsic offensiveness; it is our perception of what is said that makes us feel offended. There is no rule whether you should or should not be offended. It's a personal feeling that reflects whether what the person is saying is perceived as an attack towards you. However, if you own what the person is saying then you won't see it that way. I've been called homophobic slurs before too and the most powerful thing I could do was to own the slurs and say "Yeah I am, so what?" -- the power behind the word was immediately taken away. Side note - I'm so intrigued by Asperger's syndrome! I am a huge fan of people like yourself who go through modern-day life with something that presents a challenge, yet overcome it with strength and courage. As for the post blueberrykisses left, please take no notice. By the way, I think the way you responded to their comment was perfectly done.
Here is a quick history of the word dyke from a google search. Probably not all the info behind the work but it does discuss some possible origins What Is the Origin of the Word "Dyke"? Personally I like the word dyke- it is not just about sexuality but gender too. To me a dyke is a lesbian that gender bends a little (maybe has a more masculine appearances in some ways). Places around the word have dyke groups, dyke marches, there is even something called 'Dykes on Bikes'. As you can see not all of the LGBT community agrees on whether or not this word is reclaimed as something positive or if it is insulting. Personally to me being a dyke is what I mentioned above and I don't see anything derogatory about it. It's not always what people say, it's how they say it. For example being called a woman- being a woman is not offensive but when people use it as an insult it can state that being a woman is offensive when we know it isn't. The first time I heard LGBT slang being used by gay people I was mortified. I thought it was being against our own kind and our attempt at trying to fit in with the straight crowd by overtly stating how cool we were with everyone using terms that were derogatory. I eventually changed the way I thought about some of these terms. Growing up I was told that being queer or a dyke was not very nice so most people straight and gay grow up with a belief that it is bad to say and be of those orientations. I want to give you the power to decide how you personally feel about these words. When I was mortified the first time I heard other members of the queer community use words like queer/dyke/fag openly I felt like my opinion or feelings at the time were not relevant. I was accused of being 'too sensitive' and needing to lighten up. Although my opinion and use of some of these words have changed and are used in a positive light, I encourage people to think about how they feel about these words. How you feel is just as important.
When I told all my friends I liked girls the word dyke got thrown around like a hot potato. But it never bothered me. I like what Sek said, about it being a personal choice. I feel like, if you ignore the meaning behind words, they're all just words. As long as you don't let it bother you, then it no longer becomes an offensive term. Like Shakespeare said "A rose by another name would smell just as sweet" I really like this, because it can really be used for anything. The meaning behind the word F^ck could easily have been given a name something completely different, so why is that specific word so offensive? Because people let it offend them. It's just a series of letters that work in the English language, and people gave it the meaning it has today. You choose how the meaning makes you feel.:icon_bigg
It's a personal thing. And it's also how someone uses it too. I work with a gay guy who is the coolest dude ever. He's more on the masculine side and just real funny. And he's being trained to be supervisor. When he goes to a department, the work gets done. He's made jokes about how "it takes 5 straight guys to do what one queer can do". Because that is what happens. 5 guys spend 4 hours doing something he can do by himself in 2 hours. Yes, he says queer, but it's not offensive. He doesn't mean it offensively. As for blueberrykisses comment, I gotta tell you what EVERY single teacher up until I graduated ever told me. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID QUESTION. The more you ask, the more you know.
I seem to tell people this about words all the time it was sort of nice to see someone who basically just told me something I sometimes tell others. Made me come to a realization that I need to stop and listen to my heart before jumping into concern. Thanks And ah, my Asperger's yes I've learned a lot from my own struggles, I have mixed feelings about having what I do but I don't wish for people to see this as I'm a different person in life. You i'm sure have struggles also maybe in another way but you do or the way you responded with such a intelligent manner wouldn't have been if you didn't experience something that lead you to that kind of acceptance and understanding inside the world. Thank you for your words it helps :newcolor: ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 06:54 PM ---------- It's alright I took care of it and maybe they didn't notice how they stated it I may have went a little over the top myself actually. (&&&) But thanks ^.^ it's kind of like you guys are telling me it's how we decide to see it in the end. ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 06:58 PM ---------- Thank you, so much I enjoyed reading what you sent and seeing the possible history behind the label, I guess to a extent people are very right I may not be buff and strong however my appearance is more manly and I have been mistaken as a dude. However I don't feel upset its almost like my doubt had faded when I read that and I feel kind of more accepted/understood with it actually so I don't mind.
This. I was called a dyke and was told I look like a man when I had my hair really short. It was hurtful at the time but now I look back and say "Fuck the haters!" She obviously has a problem with people who are "different" to her. SHE'S the one with the problem, not ME. And the same applies to you. There's nothing wrong with YOU. Just continue being your fabulous self and go by my motto: Fuck the haters! (*hug*)
