Sometimes I just feel like such a freak, and I don't even know why. I'm 15, a girl and not one of the popular crowd. School is fine, it's me that's the problem. My class is literally the nicest group of people ever. Everyone gets along so well, they all help each other with homework. It is not cliquey at all. So basically like the opposite of like what people are struggling through in high school. I kinda have trouble making friends because I don't connect with people very well. I think I am gay, which is a big deal coz of a religious family so I havent told them. Literally none in my family would accept me.I feel bad lying though. Also with the people in my class, I am in a friendship group, but I kind of tag along. I feel that they are only friends with me because if they weren't Id have no friends and they feel sorry for me. Everyone in my class is so funny. I really wish I was. I do try to make jokes, but nothing is funny that comes out of my mouth at all. When I make jokes, people laugh laugh. But very awkwardly and I can tell that it is put on to make me feel better. I feel like I have no.right to feel this way. Also I have a crush on this teacher who I can tell is really uncomfortable when I am there because I think I just stare at her, even though I don't mean to and I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I also have social anxiety which I was diagnosed by the doctor, but my parents kind of want me to snap out of it and they say I.self obsessed. I have exams on ar the moment and I feel like I can't concentrate on studying, I need a break like every ten minutes. I feel depressed all the time, and people often tell me I look upset but I try not to show it. I do cry a lot but not in front of people. I stay up.till like 2 in the morning watching YouTube coz I can't sleep. I just feel like such a freak because everyone else just seems to be getting on with it while o seem to be fretting over nothing.
Don't feel like you're a freak. Everything I've read here is perfectly normal and is something I've gone through myself or seen others go through. You're not lying by not telling them you're gay. You're protecting yourself. There is a huge difference. Please, never feel like you're a bad person for keeping yourself safe. I had trouble making friends for a long time. You may feel like you're tagging along, but these people may value you more than you believe. Or they may even believe you're the one shutting them out. I know it seems scary, but communication is an important part of friendship. It really sounds like a lot of your problems come from a lack of low self-esteem. I don't know if it has anything to do with the way you were raised or your homophobic family, but I would suggest trying to keep a clear mind through out the day. If the people at school are really as nice as you say they are, I bet they actually think you are pretty funny. I know I'm a really paranoid person, and I used to assume everyone hated me and never gave myself a chance to think otherwise. Please try not to do the same. It's the same thing with your teacher. Do you know that she's uncomfortable because of you, or are you just assuming this? I would also really suggest trying to get over that crush; it's not going anywhere, and if it was I would be very concerned for your safety. Right now, it seems like it's only causing you more stress. Also, fuck your parents. Everything I've heard about them are signs of emotionally abusive behavior. Being raised by people like that must have taken a real toll on you; you're doing an amazing job continuing on like you are. I really do think the issue is probably how you were raised, because your parents sound awful. Anyone with parents like yours would be affected just as badly. You're not a freak and it's not your fault. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. :c
emmadances, everyone of us is a freak in some way. We spend our lives trying to fit in but you know what? It's overrated. I know it seems crappy right now but once you're out of high school, things will get better I'd suggest talking to a school counsellor and finding out if they have a GSA or a local LGBT group. Oh, and the people in your friendship group, ditch them. Sympathy does not equal friendship, believe me. Hang in there
These two lines sum up me too... The thing about people is that they are ALL so different, you might not even see how much even though they act the same some would accept you easily, some would be confused and some would be anti-, there's nothing you can do with it. Don't force yourself to make jokes, if something comes to your head then say it. I don't feel like being funny is a critteria, I have a nice class in my school too, but I'm always a back-up person and I have to deal with it. "Don't worry" that's what my friends used to say a lot. A LOT. "People will forget what you've said, People will forget what you've done But they will remember how you made them feel". If you feel like they might actually like you just be there. And about the teacher... Get it out your head, because it's probably not the best thing Greetings!
That sounds normal enough to me. High school is either idealized as "the best time of your life" or talked up as a gauntlet that you just have to run through to get to "the real world." What they don't tell you is that everyone is a little bit awkward and rough around the edges, and everyone also thinks that they are in the minority of feeling that way so they try to make up for it somehow. It might be hard and over-trodden, but all I can say is "relax" and "be yourself." A lot of people say the latter without fully accepting it. The point is that you don't have to act out of character or hide a lot of stuff in order to get friends, as long as you make a sincere effort at connecting with people. The ones that don't accept it aren't worth your time; the ones that do are the beautiful people whom you eventually won't feel weird around because they will share their weirdness with you too. Those are the friendships that stick with you. source: somebody who tried to play it cool and made high school a quiet social disaster. >.<
Hey, sorry I know this is quite old but I only just saw it x I'm 100% sure your friendship group does not feel sorry for you, I'm sure they all really really like you (they've probably all told eachother they really like hanging out with you ). They would probably find ways to avoid hanging out with you if that was the case, and from what you've told me they don't at all. Maybe there's something going on with one person in the friendship group and this person has only opened up to one or two members od the friendship group? This could make you feel a bit left out i guess. Btw another person in the friendship group may have told some other friends she feels like she tags along too. Just going of what you pmed me. Also, I bet you are hilarious You totally crack up at least one of your friends every day and probably more About the teacher, from personal experiences with feeling like you creep teachers out haha I promise you she doesn't even notice, honestly. Also, other people are definitely worrying about stuff too, you're not the only one don't worry. Here if you need to talk!
