I don't know what it is... one minute I'm fine, the next I'm out of it with sadness.... I became a male escort these past couple of months. and while I've had a lot of fun, I've also had some really terrible things happen... I wonder if this is a source of depression for me? I don't know.... All I know is that I need a friend to talk to so badly.... Normally I'd ask my friend... but he said he's too tired to come over. I don't know what to do... I'm afraid I'll do something stupid. I used to cut, and when it gets really bad I go back to that... I want to go downstairs and tell my friend I need a hug...but I know that would be weird for him. He's my best friend since we were 5, but we never touch each other. I've only given him a hug twice. And both times were something serious.... I'm afraid this might be serious. Something inside just tells me I can't go on... Help me....
Hey, I know how you feel. What I'd recommend is staying busy. Something I've noticed with myself is when I'm busy, I really don't have time to think about the fact that I'm not out of the closet, or how my parents will react when I do come out. Or whatever it is. When you feel like cutting draw, write, read, get creative. Draw a butterfly on yourself and name it after me. If you can't get the ugre to cut out of your system draw more butterflies. When they fade add more butterflies and name them after someone who knows that you cut. Or family members. If you cut, all of the butterflies will die. This helped me to stop cutting, I really hope it helps you. If you ever need some one to talk to I am here to help.
I'm pleased you posted about how you feel Colt. Not an easy thing to do when you are really low and struggling to cope. Talking about things really can help though, so if you can, please tell us more. You are very welcome to send me a private message if there is anything you'd rather discuss off the message board - just click on my profile. It is entirely possible that your depressed mood is connected to the terrible things that have happened while you have been an escort. If you compare your feelings now to your feelings a few months ago (before you became a male escort) are they the same or much worse? When you get into the habit of cutting it's very hard to break as it becomes a kind of coping mechanism - albeit, a destructive one. What did you do in the past to break the habit? Is there anything short of cutting that helps to distract you from those feelings, including talking about it. I'm happy to listen if it's getting too much and you need someone to talk to. (*hug*)
Depression is a bitch but things get better. I like to remember the line "This too shall pass". I agree with Hobbes, staying busy is the key. Listen to music, read a book, watch a movie, whatever, just don't fixate on the bad, pay attention to the good. Feel free to private message me if you EVER need anything.
