i'm giving up

What are you crying about? Start from there.

 

I hope its not too late to talk....I've been having a really rough night too

---------- Post added 15th Jun 2015 at 09:35 PM ----------

Honestly, the world can be such a hard place.... I know that to be very true. and I also know so much happiness can be found here. But in those moments when the ground drops out from under me, I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop my decent into sadness.....

Funny enough, another member (Hobbes) just tonight told me something that I already tried. He said that every time you want to hurt yourself, draw a butterfly and give it a name (he said to use his name So you can use mine!) he said if you hurt yourself, you're killing the butterflys.... So I drew a couple on my ankles and one on my wrist, and I did feel a bit better. So draw one on yourself, and every time you look at it know that somewhere in the world there is someone that cares

 

What I did to stop harming myself is hiding my blades. I hide them and I forgot where they were...then my mom found them and threw them away for me.

An alternative would be gettingna THICK rubber band. Only snap it once or twice. It's still self harm, but it doesn't leave scars unless you draw blood.

Good luck! If you need anything, I'm on 88% of the time.

 

Hey, hey! Will be better! It must be! Just find yourself any, even stupid, goal and try to achieve it, it's the best way to have a will to get up every day. At least it did work for me, although I need a new goal, because last one got ruined, don't give up yet, it's too early for that

 

Hey.
Finding a therapist can be difficult, and even then the wait for HRT can feel terrible, but it's great you're doing it, you've really taken a brave and great step!

I do think telling your mom would be a good idea. A letter perhaps?

You said you live by yourself. Does that mean you're an adult? Would you be able to pay for HRT yoursel (I assume the state doesn't help much with paying HRT in the US because that's what I've heard)?
I find that confronting those kind of questions that pop up, even though they can be tough, and setting up goals to overcome the troubles on the way, is a good way to get through each day.

Also trying to take as much pleasure you can out of the small things.
Like today I was wearing a cap, and my hair fell over my face and my bangs and all made my face look quite cute, so I posed a bit in the mirror and was actually able to smile at my reflection. I know I couldn't do it now, but I could then, and I think I deserve dong myself the favor of enjoying those moments, even though they are rare.

You seem anxious, also. I get very anxious from dysphoria and other things, too, quite often.
Always feel free to chat me up on my wall if you're wondering about something!

take care!
x

 

well that sounds great! You should start seeing a gender therapist then, I think (idk about the US, here in Sweden I'm just seeing a psychiatrist atm). You will be able to start HRT, that's great!

And btw... If one sits and just looks at a lake one quickly starts to feel lonely. But throw out your fishing rod and you'll likely notice there are actually plenty of fish willing to connect. Your current social environment doesn't seem accepting at all, but there are always people who will accept you if you try, yes, even outside of EC

Thanks, and you seem really nice too! (*hug*)

 

Of course you don't have to tell them you're trans as soon as you meet them! It's generally a good idea to say it fairly quickly though, don't wait weeks or months.
Your name is unisex though, so it's a bit different for you than me for example.

I was at a bar some weeks ago and a British gentleman (not so much a gentleman) came up and started chatting to me and my friend. One of the first things he said was "are you straight?" And we were both like "No" and I said I like everybody, and he just laughed and we shook hands and told each others names. She shook mine last and I said "Rebecca" and he was like "What? But you're a boy!" and I was like "No, I'm transsexual." He continued to use wrong pronouns and stuff but at least he wasn't rude or anything. Or well he was, but at least not mean ^^
Ehm, well the moral of the story, coming out to people you don't know isn't always as bad as you think it might be. However, there are nasty people out there, so take care and don't just trust anyone to be okay with who you are... But when you feel secure with someone and trust them, it will often be better for you if you tell them