''Dont you cry .You must be strong. Get rid of that atittude''. My mom used to tell me something like that, when I was younger. She didn't understood. Or maybe she didn't want to. And I don't blame her. For anything. I know that she loves me. The way she can. And I'm hard to love. When we talk she says''what's wrong? just don't lie, I know you too well. I can see through your smile and laugh''. And I tell that i'm just tired. I don't want to make her sad. It's hard for her. A day after my 18 birthday she called me and with sadness asked me ''is it my fault you became like this? Maybe I didn't teach you well. I don 't understand''. And broke my heart. Keep on walkin'. That's the phrase I tell myself, write to myself. And I kept walking, crawling for all those years. I just want to run away from everything so bad. I can't sleep. Depression ripped me to pieces. And now, it slowly destroys what 's left. The medicine doesn't work. Not only My soul is tired but My body as well. I don't even remember a Day that I haven't felt physical pain. And i'm just so mad. At what/ Who? I don't know. Everyone, myself, nobody? I used to write, express myself better. Now it's just so complicated And messed up. I don't think that, I will survive One more year. I've lost it.
