Hello all. Straight guy here. I was just wondering if there is a reason why a number of gay guys seem to be very comfortable with me; like they are unafraid to make friendships with me even to the point that I feel uncomfortable since it almost seems like they want more than friendship with me, because they become "clingy" towards me? A little background on me: Appearance: I am not the most "stereotypically masculine" person who's into football (I'm into tennis) and I don't dress in sports jerseys (I dress kind of skater (Vans, etc.). I take care of my appearance well by being well-groomed but I don't look metrosexual. I have been told that I am handsome by both guys and girls and I have an athletic look; I'm very fit. I am told that I have certain mannerisms that might make people think that I may be gay. I think I picked them up somewhere when I was a kid, but I can't figure out when and where. I have never had a girlfriend, but I am 100% SURE that I am not interested in other guys physically, romantically, and sexually. It's just that I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone since I enjoy the single life. I have dated girls in the past, and have been attracted to many, but I am not in a place in my life to commit to someone. How I relate to others: People in general warm up to me faster than towards anyone else. I have been told numerous times that they are surprised that they are so quickly sharing their deepest secrets and insecurities to me so early on. I think it's because I am a great listener. However, this dynamic also means that people in general regard themselves more ingratiated to me than I to them: People treat me as if I am their best friend but I still don't regard them in the same level of friendship. I am not a very trusting person. Don't get me wrong though: I do care about people in general. I am probably less homophobic that the average guy. This is because I understand that a lot of LGBT people are being discriminated against, and I believe that they deserve to be respected just like everyone else. However, I feel that my kindness and openness is mistaken as an opportunity to form deeper and inappropriate relationships with LGBT people. I don't think I am ready for that yet, since I still feel weird spending way too much "deep" time with LGBT people and I don't want to send the wrong message of false hope that there can be "something more" there. I also am slightly becoming more ready to get into a relationship with girls, so I don't want them to think that I am gay, especially since being around someone gay might give the impression to others that I may be gay. One thing that makes me feel uncomfortable with gay guys is just that we think "differently," and the mere fact that I am not even equipped as of yet to be an emotional support to a girl also means that I am not someone to be that support to a gay guy, nor do I desire to. I don't even have this deep of a friendship to any of my straight guy friends except for my best friends. The main reason I want to know is that I am starting to be uncomfortable with always being "clinged" to by gay guys. I do care, but I think boundaries need to be set. I am definitely not "that" emotional rock person and I am generally mistaken to be "that" person. Please help.
Hiya ASmith, If you naturally come off as gay to some people, there's little we can do to change that. I guess it's just proof that some people's gaydars are way off. If you don't want to be close to LGBT people -- particularly gay men is what I'm getting from this, but let's assume LGBT people in general --, then I'm not going to force you to be our best friend. It's not that hard not to associate with people you don't want to be seen with. Treat these guys the way you would treat anyone you're not interested in a friendship with. But... there's a "but." I appreciate the honesty of your post, so I figure I'll be honest too: you might be less homophobic than the "average guy," but you still have some issues with LGBT people that I find unfortunate. I can't think of a reason to avoid LGBT friendships that isn't LGBTphobic. Gay men are capable of friendships with straight men. Of course, it depends on the man, and maybe you've only run into guys who got attached to you, but in general, your "kindness" and "openness" should be interpreted as just that: a kind, open-minded guy whom they like being around. And not all gay men are going to ask you for "emotional support." That's a strange thought. There doesn't need to be anything "inappropriate" about a friendship with anyone LGBT. If you're genuinely concerned about "sending the wrong message," just be comfortable with your own sexuality. If you think they're getting "gay vibes" from you, tell them you're straight and leave it at that. Most people should get the message. If they don't, they've got bigger problems than being gay. I really wouldn't worry about other people thinking you're gay. People tend to assume "straight" until proven otherwise, unless the person fits their idea of the stereotype.
