So Ive come out to no one. Its not necessarily something thats a big deal to me because for the most part Im a private person who isnt very connected to family but I definitly feel the need to be around like minded people. Ive been working abroad for the past couple years and will finally be returning home soon to go back to College and I was wondering if anyone had any advice on meeting lgbt groups or people in that type of environment. Where to go, what to look up, etc. Just general information like what to expect and stuff. With work I havent really been able to keep connections (with the exception of a few people), so I will basically be starting with a new slate for friends. Its not that I have a hard time making friends, Im just interested in people within the lgbt community, and considering I know absolutely no one back home that could "show me around", I thought I might ask here. Im comfortable in my own skin but coming out is something Im struggling with and I think meeting others who have while im in College might help. Thanks.
If you are going to college, there should be an official LGBT center and perhaps some associated student groups for different activities. The other option is to meet with individual LGBT students or even faculty. I know my grad school had special signs ("Safe Zone") outside LGBT faculty/staff doors, which was pretty encouraging even if I didn't visit.
You make me smile. You are coming out! It's a big deal and it's okay to be nervous about it. But you can relax though, most gay people are very nice. I came out when I was 31. I was very nervous about it too. I decided that I would date for a while and hold off on having sex. I think that was a very good decision on my part and I would recommend coming out that way. I personally think a gay bar has advantages over social groups when coming out. There is less chance people will try and manipulate you if they know nothing about you. I didn't tell anyone at the bar it was my first time coming out and I recommend you do the same. It's not as obvious as you think and letting strangers know that about you only puts you at a disadvantage. That's the thing with men. They will try and manipulate you if they think you are vulnerable so send out the message that you own yourself and you will be fine. Another thing, nothing ever goes as planned so take disappointment in stride and don't let it get you down. Everyone may end up ignoring you. That does NOT mean you are unattractive or boring, it just happens sometimes. Use it to study guys and see how they act. I've been out for 30 years and I still enjoy the simple pleasure of being around gay men without interacting with them. Things can get weird too. Sometimes the guy you find attractive doesn't ever look your way and some troll won't leave you alone. You just have to take it all in stride. But the harder part actually is what to do when a guy you like likes you back. How do you play it cool and not blow it? My advice is to quickly ask them on a date. That may seem scary but it's better that you ask first. That will give you control of the location of the date. If you want to wait to have sex, which is what I recommend, then ask them out to dinner at a specific restaurant. That sends the message that you want to get to know him. It's a lot better than them asking you to their place, and I don't have to tell you what that means. Take a slow pace and get to know a number of gay men before having sex. You will be glad you did. You are going to have a really great time. I wish you the best of luck!
Thanks so much for answering. The advice really helps and I defintly plan on getting to know someone first before sex. Ive always been that way anyhow. I dont really have any experience with actually dating men so your advice is well recieved I feel like Ill just end up tripping over my words most of the time but I think getting some friends first and dating will help that out. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. It really means a lot to me.
Check to see if your school has a listing of all clubs and, if they do, one for LGBT students. My school had one and I always wanted to attend their meetings, although I was never able to due to an inconvenient meeting location and time.
