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Cutting my hair

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ATtappman, Jun 19, 2015.

  1. ATtappman

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    Back in April I went from having shoulder-length hair to basically a man's haircut. and a few weeks ago I cut it even shorter (a little longer than dudes in the military, but not much lol). I was really glad I did it; it felt so right and so me and it gave me so so so much more confidence. Walking around campus, I just felt like I was on top of the world. Until recently... - A few people (people who mean the world to me and who I'm really close to) have been expressing their displeasure about it. When it was just ass holes around school it didn't bother me at all- it made me feel even more empowered - but now that it's people who's respect matters to me it hurts a lot. I mean, none of them have disowned me or anything- they still tell me how much they care about me and everything- but now it's like this dark spot between us... They keep saying "Oh, your old hair was so beautiful" or, "your hair made me notice you when we first met" or, "You were so cute". and then they'll try to cover it up by going, "Well it doesn't matter because you're beautiful on the inside too." Which, I mean... come on.

    Part of me (an increasingly small part) doesn't give a shit; it's my thing and if it's not their perfect look for me they'll just have to deal. Part of me is angry at them; why didn't they say these things to me when it would've mattered?? When I was suicidal and anxious and depressed and when I was constantly telling myself how repulsive I was?? I would've loved hearing those things from them so much.. it would've helped a lot. But now it just bums me out. Part of me is angry at myself; why aren't I strong enough to just not care? why can't I feel the way I did a month ago? why does it matter, if I know they still love me? I just... gah. I don't know what the right way to feel about all this is. I mean, obviously there's no "right" way to feel, but is there a perspective that would help make this less intolerable?

    I'm sorry for complaining in such detail... it's just a stupid haircut, after all.... But it was kind of a big part of my coming-out process and I guess all this criticism feels in some way like a negative response to that. I'm sorry... If you feel like responding or giving any advice, please do. Thanks.
     
  2. AR369

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    Maybe you should tell them how you feel? If they are people who respect and love you I'm sure they would stop if you asked them to.
     
  3. Nelly1

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    I'm sure your friends didn't mean to upset you in this way. People can have a tendency to say the wrong things at the wrong times. When you were depressed maybe they weren't sure how to cope with something like that, so they made the wrong decision. As for your haircut(and I know small things can provoke a lot of emotion), you have to remember that you're the one who's comfortable with it, it's always going to be your hair so you can do whatever the fuck you want with it! My sister once was very harsh to her boyfriend about his new haircut, and it's just horrible to watch. He just looked the same but with a shaved head, and he liked it, so why be an ass? Anyway, hope this has helped...
     
  4. Oh Lilac

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    I don't know why people think they have a right to comment on others' appearances.
    That is a huge peeve of mine. Perhaps they just aren't used to seeing you in a different style, but they will get used to it, and have to accept it. You should tell them that it was hurtful to you, and you'd rather they be supportive or keep their *uncalled for* comments to themselves. Whatever you've "lost" in hair, you will make up for in self confidence and self love, and that should be what is important to them. People can be very superficial and fail to see the bigger picture. Sometimes we need to point it out to them.

    It is your appearance, and good for you for not conforming to other people's expectations. If these friends suddenly change their tune over something as trivial as a hairstyle, then they are perhaps not the people you thought they were. It is better to figure that out now, and save your energy for people who are more worth your time, who are true friends.