I have a massive fear of what people think of me and say about me, making me kinda lonely and awkward at school. I feel like I have to watch what I do at all times, and part of that is probably because I'm still in the closet. But it really goes beyond that. Even as I type this up, I'm nervous about what you guys think of me. I'm afraid of being judged, which makes me even more anxious, and I can't believe im actually sharing my problems right now because I don't usually open up to anyone. Not even people who seem very trustworthy. Usually i help people with their problems, but I'm just a coward in revealing my problems. Nevertheless, i kinda opened up right now, but now i almost wanna regret this and go back in my shell.
First of all congratulations for opening up to us, it obviously took a lot of strength for you to do that so congratulations on that, that's a big (and good) step. You say you are afraid of people judging you, nobody like being judged but most can ignore it, why can't you ? what makes you anxious about somebody potentially not liking you (which is bound to happen as we can't really like everyone) ? Maybe if you knew or could find out the roots of your anxiety you could work on it and free yourself from the stress ?
Well it might stem from a variety of factors. My dad always judged me since I was little, saying "don't do that, that's gay" or making me feel ashamed for doing something girly. But it could also be that I feel like I need to please everyone, since I set high standards for myself, so people just expect me to live up to these standards. I feel like all eyes are on me all the time, and although its irrational, I can't help but have this feeling all the time
I know how you feel. I'm the oldest, so basically the example, the "toe the line or else" kid. Something that I found out is that as I get Older, the less I care. I also had some issues coming to terms with my sexuality, but as soon as accepted myself for being me, things turned around. You don't have to be anyone other than you. And you are a good person who is trying to do the best he can. When you feel overwhelmed, take two seconds and breathe. Then return to life. Repete as needed.
