So I feel embarrassed because I feel this is common sense, but I can't seem to carry on conversations. I feel socially inept, and this makes me awkward a lot of the time. Like I don't know what to say to people after "hello" and "how is your day". Like I get that you can talk about anything, but I don't know what to talk about. These things just don't come to me off the top of my head. If I think of something quickly to say, it comes off as random and out of the blue. I can't believe that I actually have to think quite a bit about what I have to say. This is the reason why I never initiate a conversation. I'm very quiet and a man of few words (except for right now of course), but sometimes this becomes a disadvantage. I suck at speaking. I'm better at writing or typing my thoughts than verbally saying them, so if this post comes off a little ironic...that's why. My main question is any advice??
It's nothing to be embarrassed about because it's a problem many people have, me included . It depends on the situation, if you're classmates you may talk about the subjects or the teachers and hope that the conversation will flow from there. Or you can do an activity that doesn't require a lot of speaking (think sports!) and in a way, you're socializing. Or you can always talk about yourself. It should be an easy topic. Or enrolling in a presentation course (I haven't done that myself yet). This is not directly relevant to your issue, but I'm reminded of a true story: An American met a Vietnamese. Upon learning of the nationality of the Viet, the American pointed at him and yelled "MOTHERF@%KER" in perfect Vietnamese, one heck of way to break the ice :lol:
I. know. exactly. how. you. feel. As someone who is slightly autistic, I do have a great deal of social ineptitude in real-life conversation. I find that writing is leaps and bounds easier for me to express myself with. Hmmmm... I never initiate conversation and have trouble carrying on conversation if it isn't mentally stimulating. Aka I hate small talk. My advice to myself and to you would be ask questions. Often times you really needn't talk very much. Just answer shortly and then follow up with a question for them. This way you can get a better feel for what they are into and then have ample time to think up information that would be beneficial to the conversation rather than appearing random. So in essence, play off them and you won't have to endure the discomfort of fishing in your own mind for things to share about yourself (which you may or may not be comfortable with sharing, ultimately). In the end, they will feel better for talking and they will probably also see you as a good listener and find the things you did say to be thoughtful and intelligent. Don't feel pressured into being a blabber. There is no shame in carefully considering your comments before speaking them... As for strangers. The way I usually handle it is with the least words possible, answer their question and politely smile regardless of what they just said. Grinning like an idiot while not talking, though, isn't very respectable nor does it convey openness and willingness to continue in the conversation. That said, my advice to you and myself is to try and find the level of enthusiasm/energy that the person you are talking to is conveying in their tone/volume/voice/words and body language, and go one notch below that. Then be excessively polite. These together will convey that you are interested and that you are a respectable person - not too aloof and not too cold. I find it is very good to make a tactical plan for dealing with such things... Even if socializing isn't your strong suit, you can use your intelligence to create a "formula" for how to respond in given situations. A good idea might be to sit yourself down and think through the social confrontations that make you most uncomfortable, and think up a handful of responses for each of them. Not script-like responses but ones that tell you how to react... what behaviors to follow... what signs to watch out for. Best of luck. -Rhys-
Those seem like great tips! I'll be sure to take it a notch below like you said. I probably have undiagnosed autism, but its probably very slight. I'll definitely watch for the most uncomfortable convos
I seem to be quite capable of starting conversations with strangers and new people. I guess I've always been the sorta social type. Just talk about something that the other person might be interested or an event or thing nearby. If you're in class, talk about the class. If you're eating, talk about the food. Stuff like that. You can ask them a question about what they think about _____. Many people are more open to conversation than you'd think.
You basically described me. I'm so used to a TON of awkward silences when talking with someone. I prefer online conversations or texts. In person, I'm "the quiet one" and people ALWAYS feel the need to point it out, and I hate it. Talking just doesn't come naturally to me. I can sit and listen to other people talking all day long, and I don't even realise that I'm being quiet. In my head, though, I "comment" on the conversation. But for some reason, I just cannot put it in words - without making it sound stupid :eusa_doh: So I'll always be the quiet wallflower, and I'm fine with it, because I don't like being in the limelight. And if I contribute to conversations, that is exactly what happens: People pay attention to me directly. :eek: I just want to blend in with my surroundings. I'm happy that way.
