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I Smile or Laugh When I Hear Bad News

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Foz, Jun 22, 2015.

  1. Foz

    Foz Guest

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    While I am the sort of guy who loves to show off his quick wit, there are times when I want to be serious but I can't. I only realised this when I went out for a meal with a friend who I met recently, of course he asked about my parents and I just talked about how my dad died when I was 15 and he just said "wow dude, you can talk about that and smile, that is metal!", I've never realised this before and since it was pointed out I've been quite self conscious about it. I've noticed that it just happens every time I talk about my or just hear of/say any bad news, last week I met another friend and she said she'd been diagnosed with breast cancer and I just had to pretend to cough and cover up my face cause I knew I was doing it and I just felt so bad.

    It's just like an automatic reaction, there's not much I can do to stop it. I asked the last therapist I saw 2 years ago about it and she said it's 'coping mechanism' that's been built into me since my dad died when I was young. It seems semi-plausible but it still bothers me.
     
  2. XenaxGabby

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    I smile when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. It's just a weird reaction I guess. This big grin will spread across my face and it makes me feel so stupid but I can't stop.
     
  3. Kodo

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    I have the exact same reaction. Somebody tells me that so and so is sick or dead, and I grin like a jackal. I feel like a horrible person when it happens, but I cannot help it.

    Did you know that, in the brain, the mechanics behind laughing and crying are super similar? Perhaps this is the reason.
     
  4. Kaiser

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    You and I would get along well, because humor is how I cope with anger and seriousness. Otherwise, I become less enjoyable and more intimidating, because my natural reaction to bad/negative news is to store it for later use, as a sort of check against possibly being targeted by someone -- even if they have never done something before. I like having contingency plans on folks, for a variety of reasons. It's a hard habit to break... but I'm rambling here...

    If you explain to folks that it's your way of coping, that should help. Maybe, when you hear something, stop for a moment and ask yourself, is how I want to react/respond how I'd want someone to be with/towards me, or how the other person would prefer? It's usually best to offer, maybe, a hug and an invitation for folks to talk or vent. Once they get out that initial surge of feeling, then you can start incorporating the darker humor and wisecracks.

    This is coming from somebody who has had to condition themselves, and while it is hard, and may even seem futile, eventually you'll get the hang of it and with each passing incident, you'll feel more confident thus it comes more naturally.
     
    #4 Kaiser, Jun 22, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2015
  5. Celatus

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    There's a certain wonderful cynical satisfaction that comes with some negative things. I mean some events are awful and I take totally seriously, but other things are just so twisted or stupid that you almost have to laugh.
     
  6. lettuce

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    A lot of the time I smile or laugh when I can't emotionally process a situation. It makes me feel a little guilty, but it's just the way I react to some things.

    My dad used to smile a lot when he got really angry. I remember after I came out to him he started pacing around, smiling and laughing as he called me a freak and told me nobody would ever love me. It was pretty terrifying.
     
  7. Lin1

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    Happens to me all the time, that's just a coping reaction to the (di)stress and anxiety that comes with telling someone something bad or dealing with a bad news, you could cry or laugh some of us 'chose' to laugh. Only happens when I am talking about something bad that happened to me though, never towards other people's bad news (thankfully as I would feel like a douch even if you obviously can't help it !)
     
  8. Feln

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    When I'm stressed I tend to oversmile everything. IT hurts inside, but I can't stop smiling, so you're not alone...
     
  9. Foz

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    Well it's good to see that I'm not the only grinning idiot :lol:

    It's not so much me, but how it could upset others that concerns me the most.
     
  10. Andrew99

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    Whenever I tell someone that somebody died it's very hard for me not to smile or laugh. I don't think it's because we think it's funny more like a nervous or uncomfortable reaction.
     
  11. Andrew99

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    I'm glad though to see I'm not the only person that feels this way.
     
  12. David21201

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    I've actually done the same thing ever since I was 6 or 7 because I lost so many family and friends those years. I'd smile and pretend it didn't affect me or that it never happened. My old therapist (who was ok but a total bigot) said it's my mask because I've trained myself not to show emotion. It does help when you try to hide depression and anxiety though

    ---------- Post added 24th Jun 2015 at 08:49 PM ----------

    death never has bothered me much tbh
     
  13. xylaz

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    This only happens when I'm retelling my own experiences. It's an uncomfortable laugh but psychologically, it makes the story less tragic.
    When it's other people, I get the urge but it's not strong enough.
    I admire someone that can laugh about these things. It shows a level of resilience and wit, I wish I had.