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New me stuck in old life

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by soulodolo, Jun 23, 2015.

  1. soulodolo

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone,

    Its been a long time since I've posted on this forum. I've done a lot of growing since i first came here and its all thanks to the love ive received from the people on this site.

    For the past year or two ive been focussing a lot on myself. Ever since i started being honest with myself about my sexuality ive learned so much more about myself and my interests. Ive been doing things that i always thought i hated and ive learned that a lot of my previous interests werent really MY interests at all. I always kinda just followed the crowd and did what everyone else was doing because it was COOL. After comming out to myself its like ive unlocked the secret of life. "Do whatever YOU want to do because YOU want to do it". Since realizing this ive started doing things and have become interested in things that i never thought i would be interested in.

    The only problem is that ive become very anti social since i started feeling this way. I dont like hanging out with my friends anymore and i feel like a complete asshole for it. Its not that i dont like them anymore, but ive moved on to completely different things that i cant possibly relate to them anymore. Here are some examples. They all listen to rap music whereas i listen to rock, they are all super into sports whereas i dont care for any sport, they are all into girls whereas i am obviously into guys because im gay. It sucks because these are the people ive grown up with and the only solid group of friends ive ever had. I feel bad for never wanting to hang out with them and whenever i do i cant wait to go home and be alone. I really wish i could meet some new people that share the same interests as me but its hard for me to meet new people and i dont want my old friends to feel like ive ditched them. They are really good people (most of them anyways).

    Even if i did find new friends that share my interests, im not sure thats exactly what im looking for. I know exactly what i want. I WANT A BOYFRIEND! I want just one person who shares my interests that i can love and hold and tell everything to. Im ok with never having a group of friends again. I just need one that feels the same way i do. This just seems so impossible though. I feel like a new person stuck in my old life. So much has changed since comming to terms with my sexuality. I like and want things completely different from what the old me liked and wanted and since nobody knows or understands this i find myself pretending to be what i was and its killing me. I dont want to pretend to like girls anymore. I want to be able to tell someone that i think that guy is soo hot. I know that comming out to everyone would make things easier but i dont think im ready yet and I dont know if i will ever be ready. I think it would just be easier to move away and start a new life, but i cant run away. I have a father who loves me and a sister who depends on me and i could never leave them.

    I feel like all of this is holding me back from meeting someone special. Im always in my head and i have nobody to share my thoughts with. Now that I know who I am, I just want to be that person and for someone else to love me for it.

    Any feedback is appreciated. Always love to hear from the amazing people on this forum.

    Thanks in advance,

    Anthony
     
  2. yaoicore

    yaoicore Guest

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    you seem like a great guy trust me you find mr right but any ways between me and you I'm also 22:eusa_clap
     
  3. Gandee

    Gandee Guest

    22 here as well.
    First of all, welcome to the part of freedom and self-acceptance! :icon_bigg

    Now that you have come to yourself, it's time to consider ditching long-held beliefs and old attachments. I've cut off contact with my elementary, secondary, high school friends and possibly the college ones, too. I'm sure if we get together we'll still have a great time. But, there are always new friends to meet! You might want to gradually spend less time with your friends if you don't want to hurt their feelings. Friends grow apart, that happen.

    It's what you want, but is it what you need? :icon_wink I urge you to take a realistic approach. The wider net of friends, the more chance of you finding Mr. Right. Also, you now have the joy of rediscovering yourself again. It's quite an invigorating feeling. A small note, I won't encourage you to find a boyfriend just based on shared interests, but rather a guy who takes an interest in you and wants to understand you more. And if he has the same interests, jackpot!

    I don't exactly know your situation so I can't tell you what to do in this case (*hug*). If it's not dire, your sister can't depend on you forever and your father will understand that you need to find your own path.

    All in all, I wish you a fun time in the forum :slight_smile:
     
  4. soulodolo

    Regular Member

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    Thanks for the advice gandalf. i think your right about taking a more realistic approach to finding a boyfriend. im pretty stupid to think that mr right is just going to fall into my lap without making any effort to find him. i think deep down i already know this but choose to ignore it. i dont know what my problem is. its hard for me to make friends and whenever i do i find it difficult to keep them. people seem to like me and want to hang out with me but i rarely feel the same way. i dont like going out much and im not very social. when i do talk to people i feel like im pretending to care. i dont really know where i belong or where i fit in. everyone seems to belong to a certain group and i feel like i dont belong to any. maybe im not looking in the right places. im a pretty "straight acting" gay guy (hate using that term but you know what i mean) but lately have been wanting to make friends with a really flamboyant gay guy just because it would be so much easier to talk to him about things instead of any of my straight friends that know im gay. its just so different from what im used to. all my life my closest friends and family members have made fun of people like that so ive found it really difficult to reach out to that kind of person. i honestly have so much respect for those guys. it cant be easy to be yourself and have people hate you for it.

    i either have to completely stop caring what others think, or completely cut off ties with everyone i know and start fresh. i dont want to do either.

    thanks again for reading. just needed to get this all off my chest. im on vacation right now with my family and this is all i can think about.
     
  5. Gandee

    Gandee Guest

    I'm on vacation too and I probably won't be online as much. Yes, it takes real effort to make friends, and even harder effort in keeping. It's ok that you pretend to care, I think many of us pretend to care at some point. However, as you invest your time on getting to know a person, the deeper the emotional connection and you'll grow to care about them genuinely. Once again, it takes a conscious effort to do that.
    Sense of belonging is important, but finding people who like you for you is a lot more important. And people who seem to belong in a group may actually think:"I'm the odd one out". We do tend to live inside our head.
    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  6. Idk what

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    I know I'm late to reply to this but how you're feeling is kinda how I feel! It's hard but as you and I both know, you gota take it one day at a time :/