Hi, I am 19 and I think I like girls. Uhm, or I know I do but I don't know.. *sigh*. I mean.. The evidence is very clear. I definitely have sexual feelings towards women, and I remember when I was young I had this huge crush on my best friend. But I never understood what it meant. When I was nine I my sexual attractions to the female body was very apparent. The thing is tho is I definitely like guys too. I've been with a good handful already, not exactly proud of that.. but it's true, and I've been in love with a guy. My attraction for men just has been more out there. I see it all the time so I relate to it, I talk about it with friends, family etc.. It just seems the more normal? Or at least it has. Lately I've been really struggling with the other part of me. The one I stuffed away when I was twelve, and I told my best friend at the time. The only person in the entire world, besides my boyfriend now, who knows. And it did sneak up on my again a few years later. Since then silence. Until now. I see both lives. The one with a male and one with a female and they both seem right. Just the male seems like I'm more comfortable with. I've only kissed a girl once and I wasn't even attracted to her, and it was quick so I decided I was into girls. Another thing is I've also been totally turned off by my boyfriend, and have been more interested in women. I'm just.. so confused. I mean I definitely like girls. I'm confused because I thought that if I were bi or gay I would just know and be instantly comfortable with the idea of being open about it. Maybe I'm naive but I notice how different the world is changing, for the better, so I guess I just thought the would help. I want to see, for sure if this is a real feeling I'm having. The thought of telling people and putting it out there is TERRIFYING. I keep thinking I've never actually dated a girl before, and I feel as if I should as confirmation. Thing is I have a boyfriend as I have mentioned. *Sigh* I just need some guidance..
Maybe you're not accepting yourself. You might be bi (or pan). You can like one gender more but like the other too. Its normal to feel this way. I feel this way too sometimes.
A lot of what you've said I can relate to. I'm at a part of my life where I'm trying to figure out what I'm attracted to. My best advice is to be patient with your feelings. It's a turmoil and a strain to have this hanging over your head, but it's best to try and step back and tackle problems with a cool, level head. I've learnt that labels are tricky. I'm not sure how to label myself, but I feel fine with that. A label is just that: a label. It doesn't define who you are. Most people aren't 100% gay or 100% straight, and bisexual aren't just equally attracted 50/50 to the genders. With the boyfriend, ask yourself honestly if the relationship is working. Take ALL aspects into consideration. If you find it might not be right, or if it doesn't work, don't be afraid to experiment with dating with the same sex. That will get you closer to becoming more comfortable with who you are. I personally have no experience in dating, but I'm going to try and experiment with the same sex. It feels like a great, big, huge, massive step, but it feels right to do. Just go for the deep end, and see what happens. I hope that helps. Feel free to ask me on anything. I'm fairly new to the site, and my advice isn't always top-notch, but I always feel happy to give help. Good luck :icon_bigg
