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My girlfriend's homophobic family found out about us

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by annaira, Jun 28, 2015.

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  1. annaira

    annaira
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    My girlfriend's homophobic family (mainly mother) found out about us. We've been together for a year, long distance (we met online) but we visit one another a couple times a month for about a week or so. This past time, her mother found out about us. Her mother is extremely homophobic and religious (although, she's one of those religious people that like to pick and choose which commandment/sin does and does not apply to her). My girlfriend feels like she is absolutely hated by her family now. And she is trying to get me to leave her forever so that she can mend things with her family and things will go back to ~normal~ which I know will be impossible. But I can't leave her... I can't do that to myself or her. How do I get her to see that the love she wants from this family is impossible, and she'll be miserable her entire life if she tries to appease them?

    Not only that, but she's been pushing me away for the last 9 days or so, and it's really taking a toll on me. I've been doing so much crying and I just feel so lost and sad and confused. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave her, there's no way I could do that. But I have a feeling that until she accepts that her family isn't really her family anymore, we won't see each other, we don't even get to skype or anything and her cellphone is currently broken, so I don't even get to hear her voice.

    Side note: She'll be 18 in a few months, but I am 20 years old, so I know her still being younger and living at home makes it harder for her. I'm trying so hard to be there for her, but she's just pushing me away. I need help.
     
    #1 annaira, Jun 28, 2015
  2. asphalt

    asphalt
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    be patient. if you try to push yourself on her while she's in this vulnerable position and don't respect what she's asking, you're likely to damage any potential future relationship. she's faced with losing her family. that's terrifying for anyone at any age, and at seventeen, she's still a kid. i don't care how mature she might be, and i'm not talking about legalities or any of that shit - seventeen is incredibly young and if she wants to try to mend her relationship with her family you're going to have to let her do that in her way. if you truly love her then you'll respect that and give her the space she's looking for. it isn't your place to decide whether her family is or isn't her family any more. they might work through it. they might not. she's gonna have to work that out and if she doesn't through maintaining your relationship while she's working on it, there's a chance that she could resent you for not allowing her to explore it.
     
    #2 asphalt, Jun 28, 2015
  3. Andrew99

    Andrew99
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    Offer her to move in with you.
     
    #3 Andrew99, Jun 28, 2015
  4. EpicConfusion

    EpicConfusion
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    Sorry that this is happening to you :/

    Why can't she make her own decisions? Why does her family have to play such a large part in her life if they don't respect her? She's an adult. If they are treating her so badly she should stay away from them. Just be patient and don't let her lush you away. She probably needs you more than ever right now. Do what you can to support her and comfort her.
     
    #4 EpicConfusion, Jun 29, 2015
  5. EpicConfusion

    EpicConfusion
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    Sorry that this is happening to you :/

    Why can't she make her own decisions? Why does her family have to play such a large part in her life if they don't respect her? She's an adult. If they are treating her so badly she should stay away from them. Just be patient and don't let her lush you away. She probably needs you more than ever right now. Do what you can to support her and comfort her.
     
    #5 EpicConfusion, Jun 29, 2015
  6. aguynamednick

    aguynamednick
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    im sorry this is happening to you but if you love something set it free. my gf dumped me a while back saying she was holding me back and it was the most pain i ever felt but i thought she was just trying to be nice and as much as it killed me on the inside, i let her go. a few days later she texted me saying she realized she made a mistake and we got back together instantly.
     
    #6 aguynamednick, Jun 29, 2015
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