I have a friend who came out as gay last year. Then, this year she (biologically male, to lessen the confusion) came out as trans to her friends, including me. Now she's told me she thinks she might be a lesbian. I asked her about it and she says she thinks her boyfriend might be trans but acted more masculine again because of her. I want to tell her that the gender she's typically attracted to should be pretty obvious, but she might be homoflexible, and that she can still love someone if they turn out to be female without being a lesbian, but I'm not sure how to say this without seeming to belittle an important confession, or without bing condescending. Any advice?
Well, improperly phrased, it can come across as "now let me explain to you what your sexuality REALLY is", so I agree with you that it's touchy. And maybe it isn't even exactly what you should be saying. I get that you want to be helpful and encouraging for her to figure herself out. But maybe it's best to do so without throwing out labels. So... maybe approach it from another angle? Something more like "I'm honoured that you'd confide in me like that! I imagine that this is a time when you're discovering much about yourself and have to occasionally adjust your expectations based on what you find. So I want to make sure you know I'm always up for talking, if it can help!" That way, it comes across less as a lecture, and more as an opening to dialogue. And an invitation to further self-exploration. And what you want to say will probably come up in conversation, but then at least it's something you're discussing, rather than announcing out of the blue.
