I have a long history of being uncomfortable with my femininity. For a long time, I refused to accept that I had any femininity at all. I had always associated femininity with weakness. I went to an all-girls school. Most of the other kids all acted the same because they didn't have the strength to be different. They were all girly-girls. The only two tomboys were me and my best friend, who later came out as a trans guy. I always looked up to him. I had some dark times in my childhood that left me very self-aware of how strong I looked. I didn't want to look weak. When my body started to become more woman-shaped, it made me feel more feminine. I felt weak and embarrassed. I am slowly conquering my fear. I now understand that femininity isn't weakness, but I doubt myself sometimes. I have been doing small things to make myself more comfortable with it. My purple signature is an example of that. I am still very masculine; that is just who I am. Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any advice for becoming more comfortable with my femininity?
Ask yourself why you associate femininity with weakness. Is there something inherently weak or negative about being emotional, sensitive or caring? Weakness in my eyes comes in being afraid to be emotional, in violence and lack of control. In acting in a hostile and insensitive manner towards others. weakness comes from the inability to see the world through others eyes and being able to open up to them; in selfishness and not caring for others. Weakness comes in many forms and femininity, in my eyes, is not one of them. One of the reasons why gender inequality exists is that masculinity is perceived in a much more positive manner than femininity. This is one of the reasons why it is much more acceptable for a woman to dress in men's clothes compared to a men dressing in women's clothes. A man who acts in a feminine manner is seen in an extremely negative way, on the other hand, a woman who acts in a stereotypically male fashion is seen in a much more positive light. In a sense you are responding to social influences when you see femininity in such a negative manner. Personally, I was lost and felt awful until I was able to open up to my feminine side. Since then I feel so much stronger and in control and I feel much more capable to navigate the various social challenges that stand in my way as I move forward with transitioning...
Yaeli, I honestly think that was a pretty epic response. I can't think of anything to reply with to do it justice. I just want you to know that I appreciate it a lot. It really made me think.
